Koware Yasui Kokoro (My Fragile Heart)
by NessaTheSinner
Summary: Ellen (Allen) Walker a girl with silver hair, a disfigured arm, and a red scar down her eye. She transfers to BOA Black Order Academy as a musical prodigy. Kanda Yuu a master swordsman and Lavi Bookman a genius. Not is all it seems though and this girl has problems. Problems she doesn't even know she has. Warning FEM Allen dark violent themes Yullen and Laven!
1. The First Morning

**So many fanfics about them in a school AU but I wanted to do one! I decided to try and mix many of my ideas together so I won't get bored this time and stop writing cause I ran out of ideas or got tired of it so be warned there will be dark themes and sometimes oddly joyful ones in the middle lol it will seem like the story is bipolar and when it gets dark it might get seriously dark so warning if that kind of thing like rape/alcohol/drugs/self harm/abuse/hate speeches/etc. gets to you please don't read this. I'd suggest a lighter fanfic for you if you are bothered by such things but if you are not please continue :D and enjoy!**

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**Kanda's POV**

I walked into the school as per usual scowling. It was way to early in the morning to be alive why did the kendo club have meetings in the morning anyway?! It should be after school. In the first place why did I join kendo I should have just joined fencing they only meet exclusively after school and in a much better gym then the kendo club's stupid dojo. They have the advantage in gear though I suppose. Traditional clothes are much more comfortable then that abomination of a suit fencers wear. I go straight through the corridor and out the back.

Suddenly I was pushed back, when I saw who did it my anger ceased a little. It was a girl and I couldn't really hit a girl though I may want to sometimes. She looked odd though with long some what shaggy silver hair and silver eyes. The most striking feature though was the red pentacle scar running down his face and through her eye. She looked up into my eyes, she just looked so completely apologetic I couldn't find it in myself to be angry anymore.

"Che what where you're going next time." I said snidely at her glaring.

"Ah! I'm so so sorry! I was kind of trying to rush to get to get to the music rooms to reserve one before all of them were taken and I wasn't looking and I'm just really sorry!" She babbled trying to get all her scattered music sheets together.

"Just watch it next time." I snapped and walked off towards the dojo.

* * *

**Ellen (Allen)'s POV**

I was running through the halls trying to juggle all my music sheets at the same time when suddenly bam! I ran into this guy with really long black hair which was tied up in a high pony tail. I was on the floor and when I looked up and met his eyes I instantly blushed but I hoped he didn't notice!

I started getting all my music sheets together at once. I can't afford to lose these! I have a violin concert in like 5 days I need to memorize this perfectly! Also that cello galla in a week I need to pratice for.

What about the voice actor auditions for that new anime too?! Gah! Too much work but I need to start making more money and the voice acting will bring in enough to pay for my new apartment as well as general living expenses for a while. Also that huge party for the new CEO of the GrandDoll foundation I was hired for will pay a lot too.

"Ah! I'm so so sorry! I was kind of trying to rush to get to get to the music rooms to reserve one before all of them were taken and I wasn't looking and I'm just really sorry!" I apologized profusely. I really didn't mean to run into him and I needed to get practicing too!

"Just watch it next time." He snapped at me and walked away. Rude much ah but I guess not all people are nice I can't say if most people here are or aren't yet. I tugged on my glove just to make sure it was still there. Many people can seem nice but as soon as they see my arm even if they get past my scar and hair, they'll start running for sure. His hair caught my eye though swaying as he walked. It looked so smooth and soft I had the urge to touch it.

Ah! I got distracted again! I really have to run for it now those rooms get packed fast! I ran down the halls again but this time a bit more carefully to avoid running into more people. I made it to the rooms and used my new student ID to reserve room 7. I found it quickly after a little looking around and swiped my ID then walked in. It was nicely done a large window on the right and a grand piano already in there. Too bad I couldn't use it today since I didn't really have anything with pianos coming up. I have to quickly learn the piece the conductor gave to me. Since I just moved here and just joined I didn't get the extra practice time the others did! Lucky the other players were nice and gave me their notes to help me get through it faster. It's alright though I'm really good at learning new pieces I just wish I was just as good with academics! I took one of the violins off the shelf and tuned it to my specifications. I rosined the bow gently and smoothly then tried a string. I tested each of the strings and different pitches. After I was satisfied everything was up to shape I started playing.

**Lavi's POV**

I was on my way to the library when I heard a familiar song rising out the window from one of the music rooms. I thought it couldn't be but I'd never mistake that sound. Sure it was a different song from the last time I heard it but no one could match her style of music. No one not even the greatest violinists. She'd been all the rage on the news lately and I've been so happy for her. It's a shame though that I never got to see her. I ran to the window and looked in and there she was. Her back was facing me but her familiar silver hair was there.

"Eli!" I yelled in calling my old nickname for her. She suddenly spun around abruptly stopping the music. With shocked eyes and sudden tears springing up she ran at me dropping the violin and bow into the case. She jumped out through the window and into my arms knocking us both to the floor outside.

"Lavi!" She yelled in my ear.

"Ah! Not so loud Eli my eardrums will bleed." I complained but I held her tight taking in the scent of jasmine and lilies she carried around with her. She suddenly propped herself up and stared into my eyes her face turning into a frown.

"Where were you for the past 3 years!?" She demanded. Then she seemed to catch herself and her expression softened. She cupped my cheek and a few more tears trailed down her face.

"I mean I just... I missed you... so much." She half whispered.

"It's alright I'm here now." I said and smiled at her. She got up and gave me a hand. Of course I accepted and she pulled me up. She then went through the window back into the room and gestured for me to follow. I guess I could skip studying today it's not like I have to read the entire library now. She patted the piano seat so I went over and sat down on it.

"Tell me every single thing." She demanded as soon as I sat down.

"Well... I guess I'll just start from when we left. First we went to Australia traveling around from city to city. I've got to say I found more then a couple lizards in places lizards shouldn't be and to this day that's why I'm never going to Australia again... after that we ended up going to India for a while mostly near Agra and Bhopal as we didn't really stay in India for very long. After that we just roamed Asia for a little while through China and Mongolia. I have to say if you ever want to travel go to China the great wall is just an amazing sight. Also I think grandpa met his family there." I joked. She giggled before lightly slapping my right arm.

"Stop making fun of him it's not _that _funny anymore you know. You've been making those panda jokes for practically forever." She exaggerated and the smile she showed me made me blush. It really has been too long since I've seen it. I awkwardly scratched the back of my head and grinned.

"Anyway after that we moved here to the states and traveled around more until the old man was given a job offer as the librarian for this school here and he decided since this was such a famous institution I should get a real high school degree here. It's amazing you're attending as well but I'm not that surprised considering your music skills." I said and she blushed.

"I'm really not that good and I still have a lot to improve on." She said modestly fiddling with the skirt of her uniform. She wore the usual school uniform (think of Lenalee's exorcist uniform from the anime but with a hood and a some what longer skirt to just above her knees instead of the high thigh like Lenalee has everyone else is wearing their usual exorcist uniforms also Elena is wearing just one glove on her left hand this time) my eyes zeroed in however on the white glove on her left hand. I took it in my own hands gently rubbing circles into it. Her eyes widened but she didn't pull away.

"Is it still bothering you?" I asked serious for once.

".. not so much anymore. I try to keep it hidden mostly." She mumbled the last bit and I bit my lip. "It's nothing to worry about anyway." She said quickly and pulled away.

"So what have you been up to?" I asked deciding to change the topic. Her face instantly perked up.

"I've finally got my big break Lavi! A few orchestras have invited me to join them. I got a few interviews on tv. I was hired to perform at this CEO's installment party. I was even invited to play at Renier hall!" She said excitedly her eyes shining with excitement. Suddenly her eyes widened in realization. "OH NO! I WAS SUPPOSED TO PRACTICE!" She suddenly yelled catching me by surprise.

"What for?" I asked.

"I have a violin concert and that cello thing soon and the voice actor auditions are pretty soon too." She worried and picked up her violin again. "Sorry Lavi but I really do need to memorize this piece. You can just let yourself out through the window." She told me looking at me apologetically. She looks so cute like that I just can't help it.

"If you don't mind I'd like to stay and listen." I said and she smiled her eyes sparkling already.

"So awesome!" She said and kissed me on the cheek before pulling back and grinning. She then took a breath and positioned herself. Then she started moving and music flowed from the instrument. At first it was slow and steady then she quickened the pace making the violin cry shrilly as if it was in pain then turned soothing in a way that reminded me of spring. Then it got slow and sad which reminded me of the winter and loneliness something I felt sharply after I left London 3 years ago. After experiencing the warmth and gentleness of companionship from her getting back on the road was harder then I expected it to be. I mean my family were proud historians we were supposed to be able to disregard our feelings yet something about her stuck with me. To this day I always found myself at night before going to sleep just thinking about her, wondering how she was doing, asking if she still thought about me. More then I'd like to admit I'm just so happy she's here, so happy I can see her again really.

I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the melody she played.

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**Well? How was it :D OVER 2000 WORDS! No I'm not counting the author's note as well... probably... lol anyway I tried my best! I'm still thinking whether I want Laven or Yullen yet... maybe both... I don't know maybe a little love triangle action actually probably love triangle but I'm not sure which will she choose in the very end. I mean I love them both! Maybe a couple more chapters in I'll put up a poll. Please review and tell me what you think! I'm open to suggestions/comments/criticism really anything you have to say :D I know I'm not the best at writing so I'd appreciate it a ton if you could drop some tips for me or anything I could improve on :D**


	2. A Clown To The End

**Hello! I'm so happy there's so many supporting this story on the very first day! And yes Yami google translate does do wonders D I put your comment in it and to da! I could read your review! Thanks for reviewing and yeah I love Yullen and Laven too ^w^! an1malover thanks for your review as well! Now I'm not gonna have anything seriously dark probably in this chapter but there may be hints of darker themes so please be aware of that. ENJOY! By the way I always type these before I type the actual chapter so yeah.**

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**Lavi's POV**

When the song finished she set the violin down and sighed. I started clapping and her head jerked up.

"You didn't forget I was here did you?" I teased. She blushed probably from embarrassment.

"T-that's not true! ... okay well maybe it is." She admitted then grinned. "Lavi we're now in the same school!" She sang out and hugged me again. I wrapped my arms around her and smiled.

"Yup! Anyway did you get your schedule yet?" I asked her. She stepped back and rummaged around in her bag before taking out a piece of paper.

"I did actually. I went here yesterday and got it from ." She said handing me her schedule. I looked it over and realize she had the same schedule as me!

"Ellen you have he exact same schedule I do!" I said and her eyes widened.

"Really?!" She yelled and then her eyes started shining again. "That's so awesome!" She said and then jumped up into the air.

"Oh that reminds me is Mana doing well?" I asked. Mana's not her real father but he adopted her and he's real nice too. If I recall he worked as a clown. That's actually how me and Ellen met. During one of the circus shows when she was working as one of the jester children me and grandpa was selling some old bowling pins we picked up a while back to the ring master and we ended up talking for a bit. Grandpa decided to stay in London for a while to study the new artifacts that recently came from Egypt and to get a head start on his new and improved record of King Charles.

Then I noticed she got real quiet all of the sudden. Her eyes that were only a minute ago shining with happiness were now dull and sad.

"... Ma- he just a week after you left... he was in a car accident and sadly he didn't make it." She said whispering the last part. She fiddled with her skirt again but then started rubbing her left arm. She bit her bottom lip and her eyes were starting to fill with tears.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards me then hugged her tight, holding her head against my chest.

"I'm sorry I brought it up." I apologized while rubbing circles into her back.

"He didn't deserve it you know. He was a really good father. He didn't deserve that." She whispered.

"I know he didn't." I said in a soothing voice. She hesitantly put her arms around me but then hugged me back. I wonder what she's thinking right now in my arms. In the past 3 years I wasn't able to forget her and by the time I realized what I felt for her it had already been a month since we left. I finally have my chance now though and I won't let it escape. Elena I'm going to finally capture the snow white princess.

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**3 Years Ago Lavi's POV**

"Lavi! Lavi! LAAAAVI!" A familiar voice yelled out I turned around and suddenly I was tackled to the ground. Automatically I wrapped my arms around her.

"Woah! Ellen calm down!" I said as her eyes was literally shining. Whatever she was going to tell me it was good.

"Guess what! Guess what!" She said with a giant smile on her face.

"What is it?" I asked sitting up and positioning us so she was sitting next to me instead of on top of me.

"Well I finally got my own act!" She said excitedly. "The ring master heard me singing and he said I could get my own act and he's gonna name is the Princess of White! I'm so excited! He said I could get on it tomorrow and give my usual jester duties to Kelly instead." She explained gesturing to the girl attempting to juggle in the corner of the tent.

I still remember the first song she sang as the Princess of White. It was a song me, Mana, and her wrote together one winter.

_Then the girl fell asleep  
and the burning embers in the fading ashes of the fire  
flared up in the shape of a beloved face_

_Dreaming many thousands of dreams_  
_spreading across the land_  
_Your silver gray eyes shine their light_  
_like stars falling down from the night sky_

_Even though countless of years_  
_turn so many prayers back to earth_

_I will keep praying_  
_somehow, love for this child please_  
_kissing the joined hands_ (Only thing I changed to the lyrics was one or two embers to burning embers and from the boy to the girl)

What was even more beautiful then the actual lyrics aside from her voice was the piano piece she played along with it. She wrote it herself actually to match with the words. Even now it won't ever leave my mind and I hope it never does. Having a photographic memory is useful so I'd never forget it._  
_

The day of the performance I had already sat through an hour of the usual acts that they did almost every show and was bored out of my mind. Finally though as the lions were herded out the lights all dimmed and a single spot light shone in the middle of the stage. In a puff of smoke that was suddenly cleared away as fast as it came she was there.

"Introducing the Princess of White! Ellen Walker!" The ring master shouted out and a loud applause was given until it was eventually silenced.

She wore a long flowing white dress with long sleeves and what looked to be satin white gloves on. The dress was so long that you couldn't even see her feet and it trailed on the ground as she walked. She walked to the piano that was rolled in. She got in front of the bench and with a sweep threw back the bottom of the dress over the bench so she could sit. The piano started playing note by note a sad and high melody then the song started. The same song we wrote on that snowy day. Bookman was busy and I had finished studying so he said I could go out to play. I had quickly found Elena with Mana on a walk and he decided to entertain us by making up our own secret message of sorts.

_"Then the girl fell asleep  
and the burning embers in the fading ashes of the fire  
flared up in the shape of a beloved face_

_Dreaming many thousands of dreams_  
_spreading across the land_  
_Your silver gray eyes shine their light_  
_like stars falling down from the night sky_

_Even though countless of years_  
_turn so many prayers back to earth_

_I will keep praying_  
_somehow, love for this child please_  
_kissing the joined hands_"

And then she repeated the song. When she was done everyone stood and clapped I even saw some of them with tears in their eyes. She got up and gracefully it seemed like she just floated off the bench and bowed. The Princess of White was a huge hit and quickly gained popularity.

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**Ellen's POV (Allen)**

"So Lavi doesn't first period start soon?" I asked idly shifting through my music sheets making sure I had everything before packing everything into a folder and then my one strap bag.

"Oh yeah. We have english first which sucks for you. Lvellie is a hard ass who doesn't understand the meaning of chill." He scoffed but then playfully poked me in the arm. "Which reminds me isn't english your _worst _subject?" He teased.

"I've gotten better! I now carry with me a 84% average in it! It's just my math that needs work now." I said and sighed. I **hate **math! It sucks so much!

"Good for you because the math teacher is pretty damn nice. Her name is Miranda Lotto and though she's a bit clumsy she's a nice person and actually pretty damn good at teaching." He noted nodding slightly.

"That's a relief." I said and smiled. I pulled out my necklace which was a small pocket watch pendant and clicked the button to check the time. Holy shit! It was 8:23 already!

"What's wrong Ellen?" He asked sounding serious.

"We have to go! Now!" I said and showed him the pendant. His eyes widened.

"Crap!" He yelled. We grabbed our bags and after I quickly swiped out the room we ran down the halls towards the math room I guess. I don't really remember where my classes were but it's fine since Lavi's in every one of my classes. I'll just follow him until I get used to things.

I guess I wasn't running fast enough because he then grabbed my right hand which caused me to blush and then he started to pull me along.

Quickly we reached the classroom huffing and puffing just in time for the bell. He shot me a grin and motioned for me to go to the teacher. He sat in his desk which was in the 2nd row third from the left. I stood awkwardly for a moment in the doorway before walking to the teacher's desk.

"Uhm hello sir my name is Ellen Walker and I just transferred here." I said softly and smiled at him. He seemed to be in his late forties with a clean military style hair cut and odd box mustache with strict eyes and a unforgiving look about him. I guess Lavi was right this guy really could use some vacation time.

He looked me over before frowning. He picked up a red folder, opened it, and quickly glanced through before snapping it shut.

"Yes I was given a note about you. Sit over there next to Kanda. Kanda please raise your hand." He demanded. A guy with long black hair raised his hand slowly glaring at . Oh my gosh that's the guy I ran into yesterday! I shyly walked to the seat and sat down next to him.

Lucky I was right behind Lavi who turned around to wink at me before turning around quickly. I smiled a little before getting down to business. I would need to seriously try in this class is is really that hard and I want to graduate! I mean I can be a musician without a high school degree but that's not too good for publicity and also I'd like to improve my music skills as well. I can play a wide variety of instruments but there's still many I haven't learned yet and things I could improve on!

Also the music box version of the piano I couldn't play too well in the pacing I still go too fast while playing it... (don't know of such thing exists but imagine a piano that could play the notes that are as high as a music box can that's really it I just wanted to add it I've been a bit addicted to music box versions of songs lately).

I took out my notebook and a pencil as he started a lecture about something. I didn't really understand. I could ask Lavi but well I don't know I might be bothering him he looks so concentrated right now I wouldn't want to disturb him... I looked to my right and well that boy named Kanda was there and he seemed to understand. Maybe I should ask him? Or maybe not... he seems kind of scary. Suddenly a girl on my left tapped my shoulder I turned to face her. She had long dark green hair and purple eyes. She smiled at me and whispered.

"Hello my name's Lenalee Lee! It's nice to meet you and I noticed you looked a bit confused. Do you need some help?" She offered.

"Hello Lenalee! It's good to meet you too and if you would that'd be amazing. You're a real life saver." I said and she giggled. She showed me the book they were reading A Tale of Two Cities.

"Basically we're studying the characters and their effect on the story. Not the main characters but actually the side characters as if you look closely in this book in particular the side characters are actually very complex." (I don't know if this is true just making it up on the spot so please don't actually believe any of this I was thinking of something to put in as a book and I just remembered the name of this book I in no way own it I've never even read it) she explained what happened so far and told me I could just borrow a copy from the library later to use.

"Thanks so much!" I whispered to her. She smiled then motioned for me to start paying attention to the teacher again which I did. It's nice to know there are some nice people at least a few in this school. If everyone was like that I think no one would ever feel pain again. That'd be nice wouldn't it?

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**You guys probably already expect what I'm going to say. Please review and tell me what you think! It sort of shames me nothing got really dark yet. I was originally planning on having Kanda and Elena sort of bond in english but I can't see Kanda doing that and he'd probably make a big deal out of it in which Lavi would probably step in and I wanted to introduce someone at least so Lenalee Lee comes to the rescue! Kanda will probably make his big debut in the next chapter. Poor Kanda being pushed aside a lot so far Y^Y especially since this was going to be originally a Yullen story before I expanded the idea. Now I'm not sure what I want... Laven or Yullen... anyway please review! I love to see suggestions criticism or comments! Really anything it just brightens up my day :D**


	3. Neah You're Right

**Kanda's POV**

That girl from this morning is in the same class as me. Che couldn't she watch where she was going. What's up with her hair anyway not that I care. It's layered and she wore a large black bow at the back of her head. Her bangs kept moving whenever she shifted in the slightest. I guess she thought she was being discreet looking at me but she was pretty obvious. I guess she didn't understand a thing that shitty teacher said. Lenalee being Lenalee helped her though so obviously something she'd do.

After ignoring their whispering for a while mind you the stupid moyashi is slow they finally stopped and I sighed in relief.

When the class ended the stupid baka usagi instantly latched onto my arm.

"Yuu! This is Ellen! Now be nice Yuu-Chan she's new so don't scare her too much." He warned but even more then his annoying voice that name irked me.

"I told you to stop calling me that!" I roared at him before pulling Mugen out my back pack. He instantly squealed and jumped behind Lenalee.

"Help me Lenalee!" He begged cowering behind her.

"Tch baka usagi you only regret it now?!" I challenged glaring at him.

"Ahh uhm hi I'm Ellen Walker it's nice to meet you again. Sorry I didn't properly introduce myself earlier I was in a rush." The girl said sheepishly rubbing the back of her head before offering me her hand and smiled at me. The smile was so bright I couldn't look at it. I looked to the side.

"Che." Was all I said.

"Oh don't mind him Ellen Yuu's just 24/7 you get used to it." The stupid red haired idiot said draping an arm over her shoulder.

"I see." Was all she said some what awkwardly.

"Baka usagi do you want to die?" I asked glaring at him full force.

"Eep!" He squeaked out.

"Now now Kanda don't bully him! Lavi you leave him alone too!" Lenalee admonished.

"Che." I said again before putting Mugen back into my bag.

"Wait! Kanda how did you get Mugen into school again?! You were supposed to go through the metal detectors from now on!" Lenalee said suddenly noticing I had Mugen out at all. I was going to reply when the moyashi beat me to it.

"Eh? It's not that hard Lenalee. All you have to do is fry the system temporarily. Just bring something harmless and metal like a key chain put it in your bag when it beeps show it to the guard and then use a scrambler quickly and go through it again and to da! You're through." She said happily. Then I noticed a glint of metal in her pocket. I guess she noticed my glance because she put her hand in her pocket and brought out a hand full of knives. One in between each of her fingers.

"Ellen you're just as dangerous as always." the usagi said obviously sulking.

"You didn't complain when I saved you from being mugged." She said smiling though it didn't reach her eyes. Maybe she isn't such a helpless damsel in distress. She deserves a little respect for that. Only a little though anyone can smuggle things past the guards here. They're so used to nothing bad happening they've been slacking.

"I don't know guys it's against the rules to have weapons in school.." Lenalee said hesitantly.

"Che you're one to talk your boots are all plated with metal." I reminded her.

"Yeah but that really wasn't my idea! My brother wouldn't not let me be armed so he took a hammer and did it." She said then face palmed.

"You're brother is a pain sometimes." Lavi said and sighed.

"Lenalee you have a brother?" Moyashi asked tilting her head kinda cutely... did I just say cute ._. ... fuck it.

"Eh did you not meet him? He's the head master." The rabbit answered.

"Uhmm no actually Master handled all that and he just told me to come here. I'm supposed to see him after school though to find which dorm room I'll be living in." She said her eyes all wide and innocent. Che I hate sheltered people. So naive and stupid in their own perfect little worlds.

"Master?" Lenalee said curiously.

"He's my legal guardian and I guess I'm sort of his apprentice as he says it but I think he just doesn't want to be called my foster dad..." she trailed off and a black aura leaked from her.

"Che idiots the next class is about to start so stop blocking the way." I said quickly and got up to leave.

"What put him in such a bad mood." I heard the usagi say.

"Just leave him alone." Lenalee told him. I ignored them and left.

* * *

**Ellen's POV**

I pulled out my pendant again to check the time.

"Hey guys Kanda's right the next class is about to start. We should really get going." I said worried. This was my first day so I didn't want to make any bad impressions. I wonder if _he _would enjoy high school. It seems like something he'd like.

"Hello? Ellen? Ellen you there? Earth to Ellen has your mind finally vacated the facility?" I heard Lavi ask breaking me out of my thoughts. I realized I was still in school. It feels weird to be in a school honestly. I haven't in a while I guess I'm no longer used to it.

"Ah I'm really sorry. Let's just get going now before we're late." I said offering them a weak smile. Even I knew it was a bad one and I couldn't even see it. Also judging by how Lavi narrowed his eyes and Lenalee's worried face I didn't do a very good job.

_That's no good Ellen. You have to do better or you're going to fail like last time and you remember what happened last time don't you?_

I remember so don't remind me.

_But if I don't remind you, you might forget. We wouldn't want that would we? You'd be the one to suffer in the end._

It's fine, Lavi's here. He's my friend he would't do that.

_Who knows? It's been three long years since he's last seen you. Just because you so naively think a bond that weak could survive that much separation doesn't mean it's true. You know what happens to the naive and weak don't you? You should better then anyone._

He missed me I know it.

_Anyone would have missed an old friend but whether they truly care anymore is different. Who would save you if that happened again? Not Lavi, it has to be you, no you can't even save yourself. You can only prevent it from ever happening._

How do I do that? I don't know what to do about it.

_Just trust me. I know you better then even you. I'm just trying to protect you Ellen._

Protect me...?

_That's right. Only I can because no one else cares enough to. Only I can save you because you're too weak to save yourself._

That's right... I'm sorry.

_Don't apologize. If you want to apologize just take care of yourself._

Yes... Neah

_That's a good girl_

* * *

**Lavi's POV**

I wonder what's up with Ellen? For the past 2 minutes we've been walking in the halls towards our next class she's done nothing but stare blankly ahead just blindly following me and Lenalee. Her eyes seem so empty and she keeps mumbling something about saving and protecting someone. I wonder what's going on in her head? She's never done something like this before. Lenalee keeps sneaking worried glances at her.

"Hey Ellen! You're spacing out again." I complained to try and snap her out of it. Her head jerked up and her eyes widened and for a moment I thought I saw a flash of fear. No that's not right what would she be afraid of all the sudden?

"S-sorry guys! I've just been thinking a lot lately about.. this new song I'm writing! Just trying to think of a good word to rhyme with rise that fits with the song." She said the slight pause telling me all I needed to know. Also that smile it was the fake smile I hated so much on her.

The one she used to give Mana back then every time he asked where she got those bruises from. He always ended up accepting her excuses though because of how passionately she insisted she was just clumsy. I knew though because I saw it happen one day. The children in the town ganged up on her and beat her they called her "possessed" "a demon" "evil" "satan" "unholy" and various other things.

Some idiot had the bright idea to try and burn her to purify her but before he could I rushed in. They ran off leaving a shivering mess of my best friend behind. I wanted to tell Mana everything in hopes he'd be able to do something about it but she begged me not too. Let's just say I never could say no to her. Even when it probably would've been better for her.

"Is that so? What's the song about?" I heard Lenalee ask cheerfully yet the worry still clear in her eyes.

"Uhm well it's this girl who keeps saying she wants to die and her friend is sick of it. So her friend finally snaps and tells her to just die then. The girl takes the friend's advice and the song is about the friend who regrets ever saying such a thing." She explained her eyes holding unimaginable sadness in them though her smile was kind.

"Well that sounds really interesting!" Lenalee said with a smile though she was disturbed I knew. Even I was a little. That didn't fit in at all with the girl I knew but maybe Mana's death affected her more then I thought? It's fine now though because now I'm here. I'll protect her. So if she ever feels down she can come and cry in my arms.

After that we all wordlessly walked into the classroom. She was introduced to the class again and sat next to me, behind Lenalee, and in front of Kanda. She was on my right and the instant she sat down she pulled out a leather notebook. She opened it making sure no one could see and started writing in it. I tried to look over and see what she was writing but she kept the cover up and her hand blocked the top. I watched her eyes instead and they were angry, sad, and so filled with pain it took me aback. What was she writing about that made her feel like that? I couldn't look away somehow I just didn't know what to do. Lavi Bookman who was supposed to be so damn smart didn't know.

* * *

**Ellen's POV**

If it's okay

I rather end up here

Always

Whether I can leave or go

Matters to me

Not much so

I rather never move again

From my finally found peace

Ah what's that I hear

It's the crumbling of here

The sky cracks in two

And enter the demons

I once thought I slew

Biting and tearing

New wounds

Open old ones

A bloody mess left

Nothing else but me behind

I can only look up at the sky

Which had broken

With no hope of a light

Dark as what I thought was night

Now it's now just my life

Demons of hate fill it alright

Just as I had expected

Just as he once told me

I closed the book and slid it back into my back releasing a sigh of relief. Glad I got that out of my system. It's no longer the sharp stabbing at my heart I feel but a soft sadness. I then noticed the stare I was getting from Lavi, full of worry.

"Something wrong?" I whispered to him giving him a small fake smile hopefully relieving his worries a little. I don't want to cause him more trouble then I already do.

"Nothing." He said plainly before returning the smile and focusing his gaze to the front. I took out my other notebook and started to pay attention. I had actually learned this already but it's always best to double check and sides the more I learn the closer I get to my goal. I don't need anything else but to be happy. That's all I need and it's impossible but if I can at least live like I'm happy that's enough for me.

* * *

**Starting with the dark things! Blame all the angst fanfictions I've been reading lately. Wow all 3 chapters of this are all over 2000 words! I feel so accomplished! That may not seem a lot to some people but it's a lot for me personally. I do want to know though what you guys think! So please review and tell me if you think I did something wrong or if you have any suggestions! I'd love to hear from you all!**


	4. Debts Ugh

**Ellen's POV**

I stretched my arms upward and then arched my back to get the kinks out from sitting so long.

"So how are you liking school so far?" Lenalee asked smiling.

"It's kinda boring but alright. Sides aren't friends what make life fun? I've met a lot of new people today so it's all worth it." I said smiling back at her. Her smile brightened considerably.

"That's a wonderful view of life Ellen! Oh come on we have lunch now!" She said grabbing my hand and leading me down the halls. I couldn't exactly see them with the speed Lenalee was pulling me but I could feel all the stairs. I pulled my hood up over my head and tugged it down self consciously. I couldn't very well wear a hood in class but now I could. This place seems nice so far so please let it continue to be so.

"This is the lunch room!" Lenalee announced grandly gesturing to the double doors in front of me. I pushed it open and walked in. It was quite beautiful as the rest of the school was with light brown walls, white lining them and a beautiful chandelier hanging in the middle. Round tables filled the space and there were 4 chairs a table though some people pulled chairs from other tables to theirs to seat more people. A pink haired man wearing sunglasses indoors was at the counter seeming to be the chef. My stomach grumbled and I blushed.

"Ah it seems I'm hungry.." I said a little embarassed.

"That's good because Jerry's an amazing cook! You're going to want to eat as much as you can!" Lenalee said enthusiastically. She looked around for a moment before her face widened into a smile again. The last class I had was only me and Lenalee, as both Kanda and Lavi had their specialized classes then. Lavi was with his grandpa again and Kanda was training for the upcoming tournament. "Hurry Ellen they're waiting for us!" She said pointing to a table in the back.

Then Lavi was standing on one of the chairs waving his arms I assume to get our attention.

"Well then we shouldn't keep them waiting." I said and we walked over to them. Kanda was already seated eating what seems to be noodles of some sort? Lavi however on his plate had a large sandwich full of lettuce and what looks to be beef.

"Awwh you guys got food without us!" Lenalee complained playfully smacking Lavi on the arm.

"It's not my fault you guys are so slow!" Lavi justified. He then saw me and grinned.

"Ellen ready to shock some people?" He teased I know about my monstrous appetite.

"It's not that abnormal... is it really?" I asked a bit concerned. I don't know maybe there's something wrong with the fact I can eat so much yet I never gain any weight...

"It's weird but don't worry that's what makes you special!" He said quickly giving me a reassuring smile.

"Ellen we need to get going! If we don't the line's going to be super long! No one ever brings lunch from home anymore not after tasting Jerry's cooking!" Lenalee said rushing me towards the lunch line. All meals were paid for by the school so I guess it was okay to order as much as I want right? We waited in line for a little while and when it was Lenalee's turn she ordered a plate of pasta and then waited off to the side for me.

"Good morning darling I've never seen you before are you new?" He asked enthusiastically.

"Yeah I just transferred today. My name's Ellen Walker it's nice to meet you." I said extending my hand for him to shake. Instead he pulls me in for a hug.

"So cute! Such nice manners!" He said.

"Thank you!" I said he then released me.

"Now what would you like today? I would never let a student go hungry!" He said then grinned.

"Well in that case I'd like 4 plates of omelettes, 5 plates of rice and curry, 2 plates of dango, 9 plates of chicken dumplings, 5 plates of truffade, 8 plates of seafood paella, 4 plates of poutine, and 1 plate of fish n chips please." I said. He looked shocked for a moment before a giant smile appeared on his face.

"I just love it when people eat a lot! It just gives me an excuse to cook more! Just a moment dear do you need a cart to carry all that?" He asked starting to get ready ingredients already.

"No it's fine I can do it myself." I assured him smiling. I waited by the counter as he cooked humming as he went.

"Are you really going to eat all that?" Lenalee asked still shocked.

"Yeah I guess it's just a weird thing of mine I have a huge appetite." I said sheepishly.

"Wow I'm so jealous! To be able to eat all that and stay so thin!" She said but her lips still curled into a smile and her eyes showed no malice. I smiled a little.

"It's a bit of a curse actually I never seem to gain weight no matter how hard I try even though I eat until I'm completely stuffed." I explained, I sighed, my doctor told me I needed to gain more weight and though it wasn't serious I was a bit on the light side and it wasn't very healthy for me to be. I try, I really do but for some reason I just can't gain weight.

"You could be a model though to be so pretty and naturally so skinny!" She said happily.

"Uhmm I am skinny but I'm not that pretty. I don't think I'm pretty enough to be a model. If anything you should be the model Lenalee! You're so nice, pretty, and charming I'm sure people all over would love you if you did." I said and sighed again but inwardly this time. As if I'd ever be pretty enough to be a model. A job specifically for beautiful girls and boys. With this arm... and this scar... I'd have a hard time not being kicked out immediately as soon as I even enter the studio for a audition. As if It's work out. Music is different though because music is all about the sounds my voice, not how I look or the abnormalities I was born with.

"Don't talk about yourself like that Ellen! You're beautiful, nice, and charming! I haven't known you for long but I already know." She said and smiled. I smiled back then went to pick up my food.

"Here you do darling be careful with all that now!" Jerry said smiling before he took the order of the next person in line. I stacked the plates on top of each other and managed to carry all of it to the table with Lenalee walking behind me looking worried. I set it all down. Kanda raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything at this Lavi however just started laughing.

"What's so funny anyway!" I snapped at him pouting a little.

"Pffft! I've forgotten how much you can really eat!" He explained trying to calm down.

"There's still no need to laugh so much." I said.

"Oh come on! Forgive me please!" He said giving me puppy eyes.

"Say sorry 10 times!" I demanded playfully

"Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry~" He sang out causing everyone to look at him.

"Forgiven." I said and sighed. Leave it to Lavi to constantly draw attention to himself. I quickly started eating and I finished in a mere 10 minutes making sure to carefully clean every plate. As I ate the last stick of dango I felt everyone's eyes on me which made me feel a bit self conscious as I tugged down my hood just a bit mote.

"Che learn some manners stupid moyashi." Kanda scoffed as he finished the last bit of soba he had.

"Take your own advice." I snapped at him before picking up all my plates and walking to Jerry and handing it all back to him.

"It's nice to see a growing child eat so much!" He said smiling before he went to put the plates away or something I guess.

The rest of the day went along with nothing sticking out much. I introduced myself every class without the hood though and I always sat near at least one of them Lavi, Lenalee, or Kanda. It was boring as I said earlier but not so bad really I expected more along the whole bullying thing but not much of that happened aside from the odd looks and whispers. Maybe being some what of an idol is a good thing. Standing out is a good trait in shows and all. I think as long as no one sees my arm it'll be alright. I packed everything back into my bag at the end of my last class if the day. I tapped Lenalee on the shoulder. She turned around and smiled.

"What is it Ellen?" She asked curiously.

"Well I'm supposed to go the head master's office now to get my dorm assignment so I was wondering if you could lead me there." I said.

"Sure! I was supposed to go there anyway since brother somehow lost the file of one of the students. It was Marie's I think, anyway it might not be needed now but physical exams are coming up and all student files need to be updated so it will need to be found soon. Seriously I wish my brother was just a bit more responsible sometimes. I wonder who's really the young one here." She complained sighing a bit.

"That sounds tough. I had to deal with irresponsible adults too.. freaking Cross and all those debts! Those debts... debts... soo so many..." I trailed off. I could remember it all. First I had to do all those dishes then try and make money at the mines then it was that farm! Many places weren't even considering hiring me because I was a girl and they didn't believe I could do all the labor... stupid drinking, flirting, gambling Cross!

"Uhmm Ellen? Let's just get going okay?" She said a little freaked out it seemed. I put a smile on my face and she relaxed a bit.

"Okay." I said and we left for the office.

* * *

**A little shorter then usual but what the heck I just wanted to get this out. I know so far it's been really slow but I promise it's going to pick up soon I just needed to go through at least the first day slowly as to solidify the rest of the story a bit more. Anyway wanna know who Ellen's going to room with? It's a secret~ but I promise I'll update soon to tell you all! Hint it's very essential to the whole Yullen/Laven thing although it will tip the balance it won't completely decide who wins Kanda or Lavi. Review please~**


	5. Dorm Room

**Ellen's POV**

"So what's your brother like?" I asked.

"Oh well he's really irresponsible and so messy! I feel like a maid sometimes because I always end up trying to clean it up but it's no use! I haven't seen the floor in ages I've even forgotten what it looks like!" She complained exasperated.

"Is it that bad?" I wondered.

"Well it's not dirty per say just cluttered with paper work everywhere." She explained.

"Oh I see."

"Anyway I love him I just wish he'd make it easier on me sometimes and just clean up on his own." She said sighing.

"Hmm.." I agreed not really paying attention anymore. Soon we arrived and I knocked on the door. Suddenly the door was flung open and I stepped back. A white blur flew past me and I heard a "Eep!" Behind me. I turned around to see Lenalee on the floor with a man I assume to be the headmaster hugging her.

"Ah my dear Lena! Have you finally come to visit me! It's been so long since I've last seen you I was afraid god forbid you were on a **date **with some boy!" He said a dark aura coming from him at the word date. So he has a sister complex. He then turned around and stood up. "Ah you must be Ellen Walker it's nice to meet you I'm Komui Lee and please just call me Komui."

"Like wise." I replied. Then he was hit on the head by a hand.

"Brother! I told you to stop tackling me and I just saw you 4 hours ago!" She said frowning at him.

"It felt like a eternity to me though!" He said.

"Uhmm can you just tell me who I'm rooming with?" I asked. I really didn't want to get in this I think it's better if I just get going...

"Sure. Since all the girl dorms are pretty filled at the moment is it okay if you room with a boy? We can get you a hotel room until we expand the dorms if you want." He offered.

"It's fine I don't want to be a bother and it's not really a problem." I assured him.

"Great! Don't worry about him doing anything to you either just stay out of his way mostly and you should be fine. Your room number is 603 you can just go into the boy's dormitory and follow along until you find it. It's on floor 6." He told me.

"Alright bye Lenalee!" I shouted out before running off. I **really **did not want to get into that.

I made my way to the boy's dorm. I got a few strange looks but when I explained to the guard why I was going into the boy's dorm and he called the head master to confirm it he gave me a card to show that I was allowed into the boy's dorm and I just walked in. I took the elevator up to the 6th floor. On floor 3 Lavi stepped in wearing a shocked expression when he saw me.

"Ellen! What are you doing here? Girls aren't really allowed to be here you know." He said quickly closing the elevator. "Eh you're going to floor 6? So am I." He said.

"Ah well you see all the girl dorms are full so I'm going to be rooming with a guy." I explained.

"What room?" He asked.

"Komui said room 603." I told him.

"Eh?! That's me and Kanda's room!" he said then a smile stretched over his face. "Yay! This will be like every day's a sleep over!" He said grinning like a kid.

"Wow what a coincidence." I said. This isn't good.. I still get nightmares and I didn't really want to worry anyone... it'd just make me a worse person if I bothered Lavi.. I wish I could just room with Kanda since he's a bad enough person that I don't care if I inconvenience him at all. Lavi doesn't deserve that though...

When the elevator doors opened he pulled me out and led me to the room. He opened the door and threw me a spare he took from out under the carpet.

"I've grown out of my habit of leaving my keys home so we don't need this spare anymore so keep it." He said still grinning.

"Thanks." I said smiling at him.

"Here let me give you a quick tour." He offered walking me through the dorm. "This is Kanda's room note do not enter under any circumstances you will be killed. This is the kitchen, though mostly you'll be eating in the cafeteria anyway, this is my room, this I guess the living room? There's 3 bathrooms one for each bedroom and this will be your room." He said opening a white door to a room covered completely in white. The walls were white, the curtains were white, the desk and chair were white, even the bed frame was white. Even the floor was white, cold, and smooth though I couldn't tell what it was made of.

"The decorations a bit weird but we can always change that if you want." He said a bit sheepishly. I was awe struck by the pure beauty of the room. It was like someone took my dream room out of my mind and made it reality.

"No it's perfect." I whispered walking in. I grazed my hand over the desk which was just as smooth as the floor.

"You like it?" He asked.

"Yeah. It's beautiful." I answered him and gave him a genuine smile as I turned around to face him.

* * *

**Lavi's POV**

She turned around to smile at me and I blushed. It was one of those rare moments her mask would fall and the light within would shine. It was rare but when it does it felt like I was a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. It was blindingly beautiful and I smiled back at her. I was glad she liked the room a bit surprised though but I really shouldn't be. It suit her so well, white the color of innocence.

"Anyway if there's ever anything you need tell me." I told her before leaving to let her get settled. I'm really glad she's here though. I thought I'd never see her again... I'm so happy I guess. Ah I'm crying that's no good at all. Bookmen don't cry or so the old panda would say. I walked into my room closing the door behind me then I flopped back onto the bed. I hope she will need me.

She always was so independent and unwilling to rely on others. She used to be more snarky actually, so rude, and ready to bite but now she's gotten so much more polite. She's always been so ready to give rather then receive though.

* * *

**Ellen's POV**

After I picked up all my luggage from the office and brought it back to my room which took like 4 trips because of all the instruments I was transporting I finally started unpacking. I had just put away half of my first bag when someone knocked on my door. I opened it to see Lavi there.

"Is something the matter?" I asked.

"Ah well it's almost dinner time and since today's your first day I thought maybe we could go out to eat." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Sure I guess I'll just unpack later then." I said after thinking it over. Now that he mentions it I am a bit hungry.

"Ah your unpacking? Well if you want then I could help you later." He offered grinning again.

"That'd be wonderful." I said. "Just give me a moment to get changed and we can go." I told him.

"Alright I'll be waiting by the door then." He said and I closed the door. I wonder what **he **would do if he was here? I'd like to know honestly I rather wish I was the one watching over him then him watching over me.

_It's your fault though you shouldn't be complaining_

I know I was just wishing

_Wishing won't help at all you know that_

Don't nag me Neah I'm not in the mood

_You never are but it needs to be said_

Just leave it alone for tonight alright Lavi's waiting

_The same Lavi who left you when you needed him most Think on it and remember why_

Yes Neah...

_Good girl_

I searched through my suitcases till I found a clean button up shirt and a white skirt. I pulled off my uniform and put the shirt on. I put on also a pair of white tights and then the skirt. I slid my feet into a pair of white heels then grabbed my white purse. Looks like I really am white all over. It's fitting no? White the color most easily tainted and destroyed.

I left my room closing it behind me before walking to the doorway where Lavi was leaning on the wall.

"Ready?" He asked a grin spreading on his face.

"As I'll ever be." I replied before walking past him into the hall.

"Why so cold?" He teased a mischievous light in his eyes.

"You're just delusional." I retorted, I then giggled at the mock hurt he put on his face.

"It's not funny you hurt my feelings." He said pouting cutely at me.

"Sure sure." I said. He just rolled his eyes though.

"So what are you in the mood for?" He asked.

"Hmm... anything really I guess." I didn't really feel like eating anything in particular. Food as long as it's good food is enough.

"Well there's this really nice restaurant on 5th street that me Kanda and Lenalee go to all the time. I think you'll like it." He suggested.

"That sounds good." I agreed and we quickly took off, chatting, and laughing as we went.

"You know I think Bookman missed you too cause ever since we left England he just got grumpier if that was possible!" Lavi said.

"It's nice to know I was missed." I said grinning at him. It really is nice to see him again.

"Oh yeah we should all go Karaoke some time!"

"Why Karaoke?" I asked. Is it that fun? I mean I like to sing but not everyone can sound so good... especially those girls who are always hogging the mike and singing in groups... *shudder*

"Because I have a fabulous singing voice!" He said making dramatic hand gestures as we went.

"You wish." I scoffed playfully.

"That I do my friend that I do." He said nodding his head pretending to be serious. We stopped for a moment just looking at each other before bursting into laughter.

"That's it you just can't keep a straight face can you!" I said wiping away a tear.

"Neither can you!" He challenged trying to get his breathing under control.

"Is that a bet I hear?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"N-no." He said suddenly turning pale.

"If it is I bet we could make this interesting." I said enticingly.

"No thanks I know better to bet against you." He said. I giggled and he blushed.

"Let's just go then I'm starving!" I said before taking his hand in mine and starting to walk. He walked beside me still blushing.

When we got to the restaurant he opened the door to me like a gentlemen all while raising his eyebrows up and down.

"You're really so silly sometimes." I said though I was smiling anyway.

"As if you're not." He countered.

"Not as much as you." I said back. We were soon seated and given menus. They seemed to have a lot of options here chinese, japanese, korean, taiwan, and even mongolian although it seems they ONLY serve asian food.

"I'm going to get the seafood stir fry how about you?" He asked already signaling for a waiter to come.

"What may I get you?" The waiter politely asked he was a fair skinned blonde man with a odd lily tattoo on his neck.

"I'll just have the seafood stir fry and.." Lavi trailed off gesturing for me to order.

"4 plates of the fried chicken dumplings, 6 plates of the barbecue stir fry, 9 plates of beef teriyaki, 4 plates of spicy tuna balls, 7 plates of california rolls, 3 plates of spring rolls, and 7 plates of dango please." I said.

"Are you sure sir?" The waiter asked as he hurriedly wrote down everything I said.

"Yes." I replied simply. The waiter then left.

"Do you order dango with every meal?" Lavi asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yup because nothing beats mitarashi dango!" I proclaimed.

"Except steak." Lavi said.

"Lavi do you really think you can win in a argument about food with **me**?" I asked smirking at him. He visibly stiffened and I guess he chose to stay silent because he didn't say anything for a about a minute before he suddenly jumped the topic again.

"I wonder how Yu's going to react to you living in the same dorm room as us." He said absent mindedly.

"Will he be mad?" I asked curiously.

"It's hard to tell with Yu he's a bit unpredictable." Lavi admitted.

"I hope he won't mind." I said a little nervous now.

"Just don't mind him Ellen he's not really a people person as you can tell." Lavi assured him.

"I guess.." I said. After another 5 minutes of just mindless small talk our food arrived. The waiter simply set Lavi's plate down and left then came back pushing a cart full of plates and put it beside me. Then we started eating.

* * *

**I'm so sad щ(ಥ益ಥщ) because there's barely any Kanda so far! I swear he'll be coming up more! There's too much Laven! No I wanted a proper love triangle! Nuu! That's it! Lavi I love you but there needs to be more Kanda! The fangirls will cry if there's not more Kanda! I swear next chapter! There will be Yullen fluff! Pure beautiful Yullen FLUFF! I swear this to you readers! Also curious what you guys think should I bring Timcanpy in? Please review and tell me what you think about Timcanpy joining Ellen in the dorm room!**


	6. Come Back!

**Ellen's POV**

After we ate and went back we saw Kanda pacing outside the room.

"Che where were you." He instantly asked as soon as he saw us.

"What's wrong? We just went out to eat dinner." Lavi said looking confused.

"Nothing I just got locked out when that stupid idiot Komui's stupid robot stole my keys. Anyway why are you here." Kanda demanded looking at me.

"Eh well uhmm because the girl dorms are kinda filled there was not much choice so I'll be rooming with you guys from now on." I explained twirling a piece of hair around my index finger.

"Che. Well are you going to open the door or not?" He demanded.

"Oh right." Lavi said as he then unlocked the door.

Kanda went in first storming past Lavi. I didn't see it but I assumed he went into his room as there was a large slam following him which was probably his bedroom door.

"Wonder what's got Yu so angry." Lavi said out loud.

"Couldn't care less." I announced before stepping in. I slipped off my shoes and placed them to the side then went straight into my own room.

I sighed. There was still a lot of unpacking to be done.. curse me and my affinity for instrument! It wasn't that hard to get it here from home but the problem is properly assembling all of them! I mean the bigger things like a piano can be found here but I wasn't just going to leave all my babies there! Like my beloved cello Rossane! Or Marygold my flute, or Chancey my violin, Juniper my viola, Harper my trumpet... the list just goes on and on. Luckily there seems to be lots of cabinets and storage space inside my room! It's weird though they are placed inside the walls but it's fine with me.

I start to unpack again, unzipping the bags and carefully cleaning and putting away my instruments until all that was left in the suitcases was just my clothes in which case I opened the closet and started hanging my clothes on the hangers that were already there and putting the uhh more _delicate _things into the drawer.

Finally! I was done. I pulled out my pendant again to check the time... 3:28 in the morning... shit. Well it's fine I'm used to all nighters I may as well stay up the rest of the night. I pulled out my laptop and plugged the charger in before sitting in the bed with it on my lap. I connected my headphones and also my mic. I may as well try to get some recording done for that test album cd I need to send in by next week.

I scrolled through all the songs I have written on my laptop before finally choosing one to work one tonight. Luckily I already mixed this one and pieced the instrumental together. All I need to do is record my voice and put the vocals and music together. I pressed start on the mic and computer at the same time so the music and the recording started the same time to keep things consistent though the mic wasn't recording the music.

_"Come now, gather around - Behold such a saddening tale_  
_Come now, leave not behind your handkerchief - It may keep you well_  
_One time long long ago, there lived a young witch in the land_  
_Ah yes, she came to love a young prince, so the story goes_

_"No need for a magic to stop time, no spell can achieve what I feel"_  
_"Love bounding through every hour joy lights a new day "_

_"Tied me tight to a cross, I look longing at the sky"_  
_"Penitence for your crime! Penitence and your life!"_  
_"If I pray, who will hear? I am drowning in their cheers"_  
_"Devotion turned to dusty tombs"_  
_"If my love was just a curse then I have only tears to shed"_  
_"Penitence for your crime! Penitence and your life!"_  
_"Let it light, let it burn out bright and with it all your spite"_  
_"Feel now the weight of death and soon..."_

_Come now, open your eyes look up to flames in the sky_  
_Come now, do not forget those embers are the final judge_  
_One time long long ago, there lived a young witch in the land_  
_Ah yes, she came to trick a young prince, so the story goes_

_"She kept all the magic out of sight, how else to achieve what you feel?"_  
_"Love burning the final hour. She'll light a new day"_

_"Hear the witch crying louder, as she's tied up to her eyes"_  
_"Penitence for your crime! Penitence and your life!"_  
_"Right before shouting curses that may take away your life"_  
_"Virtue you couldn't keep turned to vice"_  
_"If that love was just a curse, then I have only tears to shed"_  
_"We will do what we must! Let it all turn to dust!"_  
_"Let it light, let it burn out bright we only do what's right"_  
_"No hand to help her find her way"_

_"Can't believe all the fools I see! You fed them dirty lies!"_  
_"Penitence for your crime! Penitence and your life!"_  
_"Searing flames rising higher as the sun begins to die"_  
_"Feel now the weight of death and soon..."_

_"No need for a magic to stop time, no spell can achieve what we feel"_  
_"Love bounding through every hour joy lights a new day "_

_"Tied me tight to a cross, I look longing at the sky"_  
_"Penitence for your crime! Penitence and your life!"_  
_"If I pray, who will hear? I am drowning in their cheers"_  
_"Devotion turned to dusty tombs"_  
_"If my love was just a curse then I have only tears to shed"_  
_"Penitence for your crime! Penitence and your life!"_  
_"Let it light, let it burn out bright and choke on all your spite!"_  
_"No god can help her find her way!"_

_"Like a flame burning bloody red and tearing into sky"_  
_"Penitence for your crime! Penitence and your life!"_  
_"Take these tears, tell their story and please don't forget to cry"_  
_"Feel now the weight of death and lies" _(Witch Hunt Lyrics by JubyPhonic original song by Luka Megurine)

Long long ago... I remember when I wrote this song. It was a while ago... I had just learned about the old witch hunts in England when they used to burn women people accused of sorcery. I wonder if I was alive back then would I have been burned too? Probably with this scar and arm I'd probably be accused for being a witch or demon from birth and wouldn't have survived long. Worst things would've happened from the start then just being abandoned. Worst things could've happened...

_You should still be angry_

But I'm not. I'm grateful for what I have now.

_It's not about now but then._

Maybe but still now I am content.

_That's a lie dear Ellen. What are you content with exactly? There's something more you're yearning for._

What do you think it is?

_Unfortunately I don't know. I do though you are lying to yourself again._

I'm not...

_You're content? Don't make me laugh. What in your life makes you so happy?_

I-I...

_Exactly. Nothing you haven't found a thing to be happy with yet not really. Meager happiness at a small turn of a hand doesn't count a bit. Not for when it's really needed._

What do you propose I do then? It's not like I'm not trying.

_It's not enough to just keep on walking anymore. You have to actually try to find happiness Ellen. Before something worse finds you._

I ignored the last bit. I don't need more of that what else can make it worse? I don't need anymore and I don't want it either. I started playing around with the vocals a little, raising the pitch of the music then playing it together, then lowering the pitch to see how it would sound. Eventually I decide on the original pitch and played it all together again. Satisfied with the outcome I saved it and send it to my manager to look over and send to the actual company. I sighed and closed my laptop setting it on the desk before flopping back onto the bed.

Ah I forgot to change out of the clothes I went out in. I got up and just stripped all the clothes off throwing them into one of the empty suitcases. I'll see about washing them later.

I took out a short black lacy night gown from the drawers and slipped it over my head. It really wasn't my idea to buy this... Road why do you always insist on buying me the craziest thing! Also making me take it all with me... It was well black and had lace on the edges of the top and bottom. It only barely reached mid thigh and showed an embarrassing amount of leg. It did however have one long sleeve thankfully my left arm.

I kept my glove on the whole time so no one could see even a bit of it. My right arm though had just one spaghetti strap. Ah I really wish Road didn't secretly repack all my clothes while I wasn't looking! I should've really checked before I left! Now I'm left with a bunch of clothes I didn't mean to bring! Tons of them are embarrassing too.. I mean the white dress from earlier was alright, I kinda liked it but a lot of the others things...

I sighed again and checked the time. It was 4:13 I might as well go to sleep. A few hours is better then nothing and I'm feeling strangely suddenly tired. I pulled the covers over and closed my eyes.

**Ellen's Dream No One's POV**

"Haru? Haru where are you? Haru this isn't funny anymore!" A small girl only maybe 5 or 6 years old ran through the streets looking around wildly her reddish brown hair flying in the wind. "Haru! Please come out now! This isn't fun anymore!" She yelled her eyes glancing from side to side as if whoever Haru was would magically appear.

She ran out into the street and as she ran across a flash of red warned her. Not seeing what was on her left a truck came towards her. Too short to see and too quiet to be heard the driver didn't know she was there. Stuck in place by the sudden sense of fear a small, red headed girl until suddenly it wasn't she who was there anymore.

She was on the road but not in front of the truck any longer. Splattered on the streets was someone's blood. Someone whom she knew very well. She looked horrified at the sight of blood and slowly turned around on her hands and knees to see him. A young boy no more then 6. His broken body a few feet from her. His leg was twisting behind him at an unnatural angle, his neck looked snapped and only wide lifeless eyes greeted her. She started crying and couldn't stop the image of his broken body blurring because of the tears.

Why! Why is he like that!

She crawled over to him and touched his hand.

Why is he so cold!

"H-Haru?!" She choked out through the sobs that tore through her small body.

"Wake up Haru! This isn't any time to be sleeping you know! We were supposed to visit Fernir today! You know how she hates it when we're late..." She said unable to accept he was gone. Someone called the police and a ambulance but no one really knew what to do.

"Please don't leave. You said you'd never leave me." She cried hugged his cold body to her warm one.

"Mother would be sad if you left! She'd cry you said you'd never want to see her cry again!" She yelled as if trying to persuade him to come back. But it was too late even if he could hear her and even if he wanted to he was gone and nothing would ever change that. His curly black hair, amber eyes, that little black mark under his eye will it all be gone buried 6 feet under?!

"Come back Haru! If not for me then come back for her!" She yelled once last time until the dream distorted.

The next moment was at home again after the funeral. A tall dark haired woman with pale skin and amber eyes was holding by the neck a girl with reddish brown hair.

"This is all your fault! It's your fault he died! If only I never took you in! If I didn't my baby boy would still be here!" Suddenly the woman smacked the girl to the ground. The girl didn't make any noise though other then the quiet sobs that filled the air that were suddenly joined by the loud wails of the woman.

"I-I'm sorry..." The little girl said not sure of what else to say. It was her fault after all she was a plague to the world. It's only right she be blamed.

"Sorry!? SORRY'S NOT GOING TO BRING HIM BACK!" The woman shouted kicking the girl in the side. She started beating the girl scratching, punching, and so on. The girl didn't resist in any way and just took the abuse in silence. Why would she resist after all? She deserves it and this is what she gets for being unworthy of love. It's her fault she let them love her and so she has to pay the price it's only right after all. It's only right...

It's only right and there's no way to change that

_That's right Ellen_

Who are you?

_I'm Neah_

Hi Neah

_You're quite smart you understand now don't you?_

I do

_Good girl Ellen good girl_

* * *

**Delving into more dark things again. Also I forgot to mention this but her room isn't sound proof or anything its just her mic is good and Lavi is a really deep sleeper and probably went out anyway. Kanda in this fic at least he likes to go training on some nights he's really worked up and won't come back till the very morning. So... tell me what you guys think so far :D I've been trying to update often and keep the chapters a good length. Please review!**


	7. Wipe Me Into Gray

**Kanda's POV**

Stupid usagi waking me up at 5 am in the fucking morning telling me to wake up the stupid moyashi and just leaving! I'll kill him! I'm gonna take mugen and stick it up his ass! Wait no... that'd defile mugen. I should just cut that stupid head of his off. It'll probably make him just a bit less dumb if I did. (He's saying Lavi's ideas are so stupid he'd be smarter if he stopped having them)

"Che." I said out loud. I was sitting cross legged on the floor of the living room. Trying to meditate keyword trying. I just can't calm down today what the hell's wrong with me. This usually helps! Not make it worse. Che it was almost time for me to wake the fucking brat up. Seriously why do I let the idiot rabbit rope me into these things. I sighed and got up.

I walked to the brat's room and knocked on it.

"Oi! Stupid moyashi get your ass up it's time to get ready for school!" I yelled. I waited a minute but there was no response. "BAKA MOYASHI! WAKE UP!" I yelled again louder. Fuck she's a deep sleeper. "MOYASHI! IF YOU DON'T GET UP RIGHT NOW! I'M GOING IN THERE AND I'M GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" I threatened. Not that I would actually hit a girl... shit the temple crap is getting to me I swear. Che there's no choice.

I opened the door and walked into the all white room. There was just a bit of color in the middle of the white bed. Well of course it was Ellen but it was what she was wearing that had me backed against the wall the next moment. It was short and black. Those were the first two things I noticed about it. It barely covered anything and it was riding up even higher from her tossing and turning. Lacey bits covered the thing and I could see a whole bunch of cleavage. Damn it! Why am I even looking I ain't no pervert! But I do need to wake her up..

Hesitantly I walked forward until I was next to her. It was then I saw the tear stains on her cheek.

"I know Neah. I know it well." She whispered out.

Who the heck is Neah? Maybe her dad? Maybe her boyfriend...? I reached out and tried to shake her awake gently. Normally I wouldn't but this is a girl and girls (other then Lenalee *shudder*) are fragile. Suddenly her eyes flew open and the next thing I knew I was pinned to the bed with her on top of me and a knife to my throat. Her eyes wide open and filled with killing intent. That's weird I think I'm actually scared.. not that I'll say it. The deadly look in her eyes softened until it was just a blank expression.

"Ah it's you Kanda." She said in a way that betrayed none of her emotions. "Pardon me." She said before getting off of me. It was then I noticed how skinny she really was. I could see ribs even though she eats so much.

"Who's Neah?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. She gave me a strange look before giving me a condescending smile.

"Would you believe me if I said it was a imaginary voice inside my head?" She asked. I didn't say anything and her eyes turned sad. "Guess not. I was just kidding." She said before flashing me a fake smile and turning around and shutting the door to the bathroom as she went in. I sat there for a few moments more until shaking my head and going to my own room. I was already in my school uniform aside from the jacket but it's not like I have a reason to stay in her room either.

I just couldn't get that look out of my eyes. Why would she be sad? Unless... she this Neah guy... really was a voice inside her head? That's crazy though isn't it? There's just something about it that bothers me yet I don't know why. There's something wrong with her. What that is though I don't know yet. Why the hell is this even bothering me!? I shouldn't care whether the stupid brat has problems or not it doesn't have anything to do with me! Che I just met her fucking yesterday.

* * *

**Lavi's POV One Month Later (I know I love time skips way too much :0 I also couldn't keep myself from giving Lavi a role in this too)**

There's something wrong with Ellen lately. She's been eating less, she has bags under her eyes, she's always mumbling to herself about something, and worst of all she just never smiles anymore. Sure she smiles those fake smiles of hers but nowadays it's impossible to get her to really be happy. Her arms and legs now just seem like skin and bone though she still eats more then the average person. She just seems so detached lately always staring into nothing. It feels like even though I'm just across from her at the cafeteria she's millions of miles away.

"Ellen? Ellen!" Lenalee shouted trying to get her attention. Like a dear caught in head lights she stared wide eyed and horrified at Lenalee. Suddenly the fake smile was there again.

"What is it? Sorry Lenalee I was just remembering something. I'll try to pay more attention." She apologized pretending to be sheepish. She was acting I knew by the little bit of fear still in her eyes.

"It's okay Ellen." Lenalee said softly. She then grabbed Ellen's hand in hers. "Ellen you know if anything is bothering you, you could tell us right?" Lenalee said almost pleadingly. Ellen looked shocked for a moment until a tear dripped down her cheek. She seemed surprised by this and wiped the single drop off. Staring at it on her finger before flicking it away.

"Yeah I know Lenalee! I'll be sure to tell you if anything like that ever does bother me." She promised though it was a lie. Maybe she thought she was being discreet or maybe she thought she was quiet enough at night. I know Yu's heard it to the muffled crying and almost hysterical sobs. We never actually checked up on her.

Yu probably just didn't care but I didn't because I knew she wouldn't want me to. As long as she doesn't want help I won't force her to accept it. Is what I'm doing. I need to do something though. This is just plain bad for her health and I can't stand just watching her waste away slowly.

"Alright then.." Lenalee hesitantly accepted. She turned back to her bowl of soup and started eating it slowly again. She didn't seem to be very hungry.

Ellen rested her head on top of her arms and kept trying to keep her eyes open by blinking furiously whenever they started to close.

"Ellen if you want you could just take a short nap. We have a good 20 minutes before class starts. I'll wake you up." I offered. She smiled weakly at me.

"No it's fine Lavi." She declined politely. "Thanks anyway though."

"No problem." I replied.

"Che. I'm going to train." Kanda abruptly said getting up with his plate and walking away.

"What's his problem." Ellen complained.

"The world of course." I automatically said.

"Hmm I wonder if that's really so." She whispered so I could barely hear it. Her eyelids dropped and she stared sadly into the air again. The only sound was the quiet chatter of the rest of the cafeteria and the slight sloshing of liquid as Lenalee quietly drank her soup. I didn't really feel hungry today and Ellen had already cleared out 10 plates which was tiny compared to what she used to eat.

Soon the bell rang. Soon I say because no one really did anything in that time. Ellen just stared into the empty space occasionally mumbling something but too low for me to hear. Lenalee just took tiny sips of her soup the entire time and ended up not finishing. I watched them both carefully but that's it. Kanda never came back either. Lenalee gave her bowl back to Jerry we walked to class and that was the end of that.

* * *

**End Of Last Class Of The Day Ellen's POV**

We all got up and started packing or in Lavi's case talk excitedly about the most random topics. I sighed inwardly. It was such a shame I was unworthy to really be their friend. If I were we'd have so much fun I think. I'll stay around as long as they think they want me to be but I know deep inside they don't. Who would? Isn't that right Neah?

_Of course._

I'd like to think I've gotten smarter but I've really only been listening to Neah... I wish I got just a bit smarter though.

_It's fine. I'm here to help you so it's fine to just listen to me._

Really?

_Perfectly acceptable there's nothing wrong with it._

Okay.

At least I'm not alone.

_You'll never be as long as I'm around._

"Thanks." I whispered out loud.

"Hey Ellen!" Lenalee said breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What is it Lenalee?" I asked politely.

"Do you want to come with us to the movies today? Rising Thunder is showing today!" She said excitedly.

"Sorry I think I was actually planning on doing some recording and work today. You guys should just go though." I told them and smiled. It was true I really did want to go to the recording studio for a little while. The smile wasn't though. It'd be fun I think to go but I need to start distancing myself from them.

"Alright then..." Lenalee said. Her and Lavi shared a look I guessed meant 'What a bitch' or something along those lines. Or maybe not Lenalee is a really nice person after all. Everyone's a really nice person after all. That's why no one can like me.

"Be sure to come with us next time then!" Lavi demanded pouting slightly childishly.

"I promise to." I conceded. If I didn't I know he'd make a big fuss about it. I'll just come up with a good excuse next time.

"Bye Ellen!" Lenalee said and Lavi waved as they left the room.

After waiting a few minutes to make sure they were gone. I got up and left too. I walked to the other side of the school where the recording studios were.

* * *

**Lavi's POV**

"Shh Lenalee this is important." I whispered to her.

"Why do we need to hear the songs she sings?" She asked confused.

"Because writing songs helps relieve feelings and many song writers put their own experiences in their songs so we might get a hint from this." I explained.

"She's leaving." Lenalee whispered pointing at the silver haired girl walking down the halls.

"After her." I said then started stealthily moving along the corridors and into shadows so she wouldn't see me. Lenalee I knew was right behind me.

Right, right, straight, and then up the stairs. I remember the route well. I memorized everything after all. Another right, go straight, the first door on the left. Ellen walked those exact directions and opened the door closing it behind her. I walked up to the door and opened it just a crack and motioned for Lenalee to come over. She did and then we both had our ears pressed to the crack. Soon the music started it was sounded like pianos, drums started and possible guitars and she started singing.

"_I want to be a person just like you, don't you see?  
I want to be a person who is still being "me"  
It really would be nice but I'm paying a price  
'Cause I'd really, not be me and that would not suffice"_

**Who do you want to be?**

"_A dream which is an easy task I won't deny  
But it'd be fine if people just like me would go and die"_

**No dream is easy to achieve so why would you write something like this... I don't want you to die...**

"_If I am this way I would never want to stay  
Tens of thousands of people would be sad and cry  
No one here wanting me, please don't say you don't agree  
Wishing for a world hiding from my seeking eye"_

**What way?! The perfection you already are? No one would cry because everyone's too busy smiling. I don't agree I don't!**

"_If I am this way please just wipe me into gray  
Hundreds of millions of people would be glad and shine  
No one here hating me, that would be so nice to see  
But that kind of joy will never intertwine_

_Tomorrow I will still be dreaming half awake_  
_And I am hoping I can disappear in such a state_

_If I'd live this way I would never want to stay_  
_Hundreds of millions of people wouldn't even know_  
_No one here wanting me, please don't say you don't agree_  
_Would a world like that be a "yes" or be a "no"?_

_If I'd live this way and you'd wipe me into gray_  
_Hundreds of millions of people wouldn't change at all_  
_No one would hate on me, that would be so nice to see_  
_Nothing would change 'cause I am losing where I fall_

_In the end, I know that everyone will be broken in similar ways_  
_And "My Self" that's made in everyone crumbles because we are just a disgrace_  
_In the end, I know that everyone will be scattered in similar ways_

_If I am this way I would never want to stay_  
_Tell me, 'cause I wanna know just why you smile so much?_  
_Really, when you are smiling like that_  
_I will forget all the time I am sad_  
_And these too, all my reasons for saying good-bye_  
_They just failed me and now I am falling to cry_

_If I'd live this way and you'd wipe me into gray_  
_Hundreds of millions of people wouldn't change at all_  
_With something stopping me, maybe that's my chance to flee?_  
_You facing me I cannot smile but just move on_" (Seld-Inflicted Achromatic originally sung by Miku lyrics from JoyDreamer check out Joy's dub it's really beautiful!)

Ellen... in front of me I just noticed Lenalee was crying. She had a hand over her mouth yet occasionally a sob would still break through. I put a hand on her back and tried to soothingly pat her. (Lol pat I couldn't help but laugh at this even though this is supposed to be serious I'm sorry ._. by the way in case you didn't already know this is the author things in parentheses are my comments)

* * *

**Kanda's POV**

I heard it. From out the window of the recording studio on the second floor. Her voice, she was singing again. That sad song she left on her bed a few days ago unfinished. I guess she did finish it. I guess the tear stains didn't ruin the paper after all like I thought. It would've been better if it did though.

What the hell is wrong with her anyway!? She's... acceptable the way she is so she doesn't really need to become anyone else. Wonder is she wrote the song towards the idiot rabbit? Since the lyrics have "why you smile so much?". It's not like I care though. What she sings and writes is her business. It has nothing to do with me it's just annoying to hear her crying all the time at night. That's all...

Who the hell am I kidding that's **not **all. There's just something about her that makes me at least **want **to care. Che it's really all worthless though because what the hell is me caring going to help? The idiot rabbit would do a better job. It's not like I can help people. All I do is hurt them...

I turned around and walked off. The song is over now anyway. I'm going back to the dojo maybe fighting someone would help me get my mind off this.

* * *

**Well I wanted to make sure Lavi and Kanda got equal parts and I just noticed Lenalee's basically been pushed so far back into the background I've barely seen her. Ideas and ideas keep attacking me for this story and I just realized it's been 5 days since I last updated this story. Ehehehe... I'm sorry. ._. but it's hard updating 2 stories continuously though! Since I'm so bad at keeping a on going story... but I'm trying! New ideas for this story in particular just keep popping up and it makes me want to keep writing but then my mind's like NU UPDATE THE OTHER ONE FIRST! Because I know I won't end up updating the other one if I just start writing this one again anyway please review and tell me what you think so far! Yeah I know I should really stop with the time skips .**


	8. I Don't Deserve It

**Ahh well this is odd technically I SHOULD be updating The Broken Smile At Dawn but I couldn't stop myself from writing another chapter of this! I'll just post pone the next chapter of TBSAD until next time! Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

**Ellen's POV**

Hmm the song sounds nice at least.

"At least there's one thing right? One thing Neah." I said out loud. Hmm talking out loud does make me feel a bit better. I still don't think those spooks are very helpful though and I don't need them anyway. I have Neah so it's okay.

_Every human can at least do one thing._

_"_Does this mean I'm human?" I asked him.

_It does indeed. Not a very good one but still a human. _He confirmed. I plugged the head phones in and replayed the recording over just the voice no music. It did sound alright, maybe a little auto tuning at the 1:35 seconds mark. Just to lower the pitch a little to keep in sync with the music. A few touch ups near the end. There was a bit of a rough beginning too but nothing a little editing couldn't fix. Since I'm already here and can edit anywhere I may as well record the second song. I made sure the microphone was properly set up once again and readjusted the settings a bit to suit the song. I unplugged my headphones so the song would play out loud. The microphone wouldn't pick it up anyway and if it did I'd edit it out. Sides it's more fun to sing with music isn't it? Then I started to sing.

* * *

**Lavi's POV**

Lenalee had calmed down a bit by now just a few stray tears here and there. She started speaking then. Ellen I mean.

"At least there's one thing right? One thing Neah." She said in a wry and dry tone. She sounded so... sad yet like she's already given up. After a pause she spoke again.

"Does this mean I'm human?" She asked maybe to this Neah guy. Who the hell is Neah anyway? Is he maybe.. her boyfriend? That can't be if she had a boyfriend she'd tell me right? Right...? Maybe it's not just me.. maybe she feels it too that we've gotten so far from each other.

I thought Ellen had finished when the music had started again. It started with just drums then a guitar joined in. It sounds like a electric one is she singing rock?

"_Feel it cutting into me, the doubting painful knife  
Feel it deepening the rift, finally hit just right  
Couldn't take the love I had, so weak and burning low  
But it grew into a weapon only hurting me, this I know"_

**Why don't you tell us then? If something bothers you or hurts you so much why not tell me at least? I've always been here for you ya know.. **(Bold is like Lavi's reactions to the lyrics. I bolded them to make it stand out from the lyrics)

"_...is nonfiction_

So good with numbers, science, math I like  
But I'm terrible at English so I despise  
This part of me that wants a simple "right or wrong"  
And I feel that everything I choose will always be false"

**It'll keep being wrong if you can't accept any of it..**

"_And today  
This homework  
About me  
A blank sheet  
Accomplished  
Content with  
This life I will now live  
'Til I think why are we  
just sometimes no always  
Saying how we're sad and  
Saying how we're lonely? _"

**That's human nature isn't it? It's natural... it's also natural to seek out comfort. Which you don't ever seem to do.**

"_Can you even read the blackboard written clear as can be?  
Can you even read his mind? See that kid's lost fantasy?  
Can you even find the one who dyed his red heart to black?  
Hey, who could it be?  
Hey, someone tell me!_"

**Who Ellen? Who?**

"_Can you even solve the question with your abacus yet?_  
_Can you even stop the rope from hanging him by his neck?_  
_Did we really choose it right saying we're okay this way?_  
_Hey, just tell me how_  
_It's not like I care now_"

**Are you... are you talking about yourself?! Do you want to die? Ellen?!**

"_Counting days like numbers, they all pass their prime_  
_And again hypnotically swimming through time_  
_Behind the power and guards I put up_  
_I hide_  
_Knowing they had long died _

_From problems_  
_My resolve_  
_Just can't solve_  
_That homework_  
_Accomplished_  
_Content with_  
_This life I will now live_  
_'Til I think and he speaks_  
_That demon inside us_  
_Saying "let me just leave"_  
_Saying "**someone kill me!"**_

**Do you want that? Do you really want to leave me? You just came back.. I just got you back.. don't go yet... don't go ever!**

"_Can you even read the blackboard written clear as can be?  
Can you even read his mind? See that kid's lost fantasy?  
Can you even find the one who dyed his red heart to black?  
Hey, who could it be?  
Hey, someone tell me!_

Can you even solve the question with your abacus yet?  
Can you even stop the rope from hanging him by his neck?  
Did we really choose it right saying we're okay this way?

Hey just tell me how  
Hey just tell me how!"

**I don't know but I want to**

"_Can you even say the formula of area now?  
Can you even scream the dreams you swore would never go out?  
Who was the one who let my hopes just curl up die?  
Hey, who could it be?  
No, it's gotta be...  
Just open up your eyes, why don't you grow up and see?  
But what the hell is "growing up" and tell me when will I be?  
Can a single person out there just explain it to me?  
Hey, just tell me how  
It's not like I care now!" _(Lost One's Weeping original by Rin Kagamine and lyrics by JubyPhonic)

**That's no good Ellen.. tasteless humor this is. You haven't grown up? I'd say you have... far away and out of my reach...**

I looked across from me and Lenalee was just sitting there horrified. Her eyes were wide open and silent tears streamed down. Her mouth open in a voiceless gasp. Suddenly she got up and threw open the door. I panicked and rushed in as well. Ellen was there tears dripping down her face. Her expression was a mix of horror and shock.

Lenalee ran forwards and threw her arms around her. Knocking them both to the ground.

They sat there on the floor both crying. Ellen was there sprawled out her elbows supporting her weight as Lenalee sobbed into her shoulder. I stood there in the doorway just letting it happen. With a sigh the silver haired girl laid down onto the ground spreading out her arms looking annoyed and somewhat exasperated.

"What's the deal Lenalee?" She asked in a cold tone. Lenalee looked into her face.

"Ellen do you... well.. do you really want to kill yourself?" The dark green haired girl finally asked.

"I.." She started but then stopped. She looked to the side and grimaced. Pain filled her eyes but not the physical kind. I walked over and sat down next to her.

"Ellen.." I whispered softly. "Tell us the truth for once." I demanded softly but I kept my voice steady. I need her to know I'm serious this time. No joking around, no harmless prattle, and absolutely no chance of escaping.

"Sometimes I think it'd be nice..." She admitted her voice betraying a emotion I couldn't recognize. The distant look in her eyes I did recognize though. It was the same look she got whenever we were all together. The same one she's had for weeks. "It's really not a good thing I'm alive. I make this world a little worse every second I am. I should really stop being selfish but for some reason I'm scared." She said.

"Ellen why do you feel this way? Has someone been bullying you or something? You shouldn't believe anything they say!" Lenalee frantically said.

"If anyone's bothering you Ellen you should've told us we would've taken care of them." I said going along with it.

"Wrong, wrong, and doubly wrong. I don't need anyone to tell me how worthless I am to know." She said and abruptly stood up pushing Lenalee off her legs along the way.

"Then why?!" Lenalee yelled.

"Haven't you been listening?" She asked a cruel mocking twist to her lips. "I simply don't deserve to live! Yet I do because I'm afraid to die." She explained as if that was an explanation. Her head dropping forward her hair covering her eyes. A small reflection of light shined before dropping, a teardrop it seems.

"Ellen why do you think you're worthless? You out of everyone I know deserves a happy life. You're the kindest, sweetest, and most gentle girl I've ever met." I confessed. I stood and hugged her tight to me. Slowly she raised her arms up and wrapped them around me. She held me back tightly and started crying into my chest.

"I-I just don't!" She yelled.

"Don't what?" I asked in what I hoped to be a soothing voice.

"I don't want you to die too!" She got out and started crying even harder. I heard movement behind me and suddenly Lenalee was at her side, rubbing her back, and muttering things into her ear.

"Why would I die?" I asked a bit confused.

"Because..." She paused and bit her lip. Finally she opened her mouth and said "Anyone who I love and who loves me will die a horrible death." She said cryptically.

"That's not true Ellen!" Lenalee insisted.

"Yes it is!" Ellen yelled right back pushing both me and Lenalee away. I stumbled back but luckily caught my balance. Lenalee looked like she was about to fall but there was a wall so she was okay too. Suddenly I noticed a glint coming from her hand.

She flashed it out a pocket knife and suddenly she plunged it into her chest.

"Ellen!" Lenalee shrieked.

Her body fell back and I dived forward without thinking and caught it.

"Hey! Ellen! Ellen! Wake up!" I yelled. This isn't right! It was supposed to be perfect! From then one from the moment we were reunited things should've been perfect! We would've gotten closer again, I would've asked her out, she would have accepted, we'd become lovers, and eventually get married. I was so confident happiness was in my reach. Happiness where I'd spend my life with her... this isn't right. Not at all!

"Hold on I'll go call brother!" Lenalee hurriedly said dashing out the room.

"Ellen... please don't..." I pleaded with her. "Please don't do this to me Ellen... no don't do this to yourself! Don't waste your life... if there is any justice in the world you should've been happy forever." I wish I just wish that just for once the world wasn't as cruel as I thought. I don't know what to do. I don't know!

"Please..." I begged.

* * *

**Plot twist! And a really weird cliff hanger! And two songs in two chapters in a row... I know I'm truly much too obsessed with vocaloids. Well I didn't originally plan this but the idea just smacked me across the face suddenly so I decided to go with it. Yes Ellen is OOC in this chapter but there's actually a good reason for that something I'll discuss more in the next chapter. Please review and tell me what you think and sorry this is shorter then usual!**


	9. This Is Hell?

**Kanda's POV**

Just one move. I hit him straight on the head and knocked him down one hit K.O. Simple as that I won the match. That's enough for today I guess.

"Winner is Kanda!" The guy said who was playing referee for today. The guy that lost got up and took his mask off.

"Wow man you're like lightning. You move so fast!" He said.

"Che. I'm going now." I simply said before turning and leaving. I walked into the changing room and got out of the gear making sure I folded it up neatly then slid on a plain black t shirt and jeans. Classes were over anyway no need to keep on that stuffy uniform.

Suddenly my phone rang. It was Lenalee. I sighed and picked it up.

"What is it?" I asked exasperated.

"Kanda! It's Ellen! She's well she tried to commit suicide!" The moment she said suicide my blood ran cold and I almost dropped the phone.

"Where is she now?!" I demanded. I have to get to her I don't know why I just need to see her.

"She's at the Kyoukin hospital please hurry Kanda!" She said before I hung up. That's only a good 10 minutes from her on foot I'll just run. I threw all my other stuff back into the locker and locked it before running out.

Out the room past the rest of the team still practicing, through the yard, past the music room, to the gate, out of the school, on and on I ran not looking back.

Then I reached it the hospital. I rushed in and the nurse at the desk looked up. I walked over to her.

"May I help you something?" She asked politely in her pink and purple nurse shirt. Her cheeks slightly jiggling as she spoke. (He means the ones on her face .)

"I'm looking for Ellen Walker." I said.

"Give me a moment please." She said looking away from me and to the computer as she searched it up. "She's still in surgery but you can wait by room 346." She told me.

"Thanks." I said before running off. I quickly pressed the button for the elevator and waited impatiently and it slowly came down from the 6th floor. As soon as the door opened I was about to rush in when I noticed the people there. I sighed and stepped to the side waiting for them to get out and as soon as they finally did I got in and pressed the button for the 3rd floor and waited. The elevator doors then shut and it started bringing me up with a sudden lurch that almost knocked me off my feet.

Eventually the elevator got up to the 3rd floor and the doors opened. I walked out looking side to side at the numbers. I picked a side and started walking down till eventually to room 346 and outside of it on a bench was Lenalee and Lavi sitting next to each other. Lenalee was crying and hugging herself while Lavi slumped his elbows resting on his knees and his face hidden in his hands.

"Oi how's she doing?!" I demanded. Lenalee shot up and ran at me.

"Kanda!" She said and hugged me tight crying into my chest. She hugged me so tight that she pinned my arms to my side and I couldn't move.

"Don't worry. The Moyashi is so stupid she'll forget to die even if she did get that close." I emptily said and she looked up hope shining in her eyes so bright I looked away.

"Really?" She said. So easily misled as long as it was what she wanted...

"Yes now let go of me." I said.

"Sorry.." She apologized not yet in the present I guess because usually she'd be stuttering apologies and be frantic that she might've caused one of her friends pain but right now she just stumbled back and sat on the bench again.

"Kanda you're late." Lavi said dryly not even bothering to use my first name like he would normally though I'm not complaining that means he's out of it too.

"What did the doctors say so far." I demanded mostly at him since Lenalee was now just staring at the ground locked in her own mind.

"I don't know when we got here they just rushed her into the emergency room and no one's come out to tell us anything yet. They just told us to wait here since they'll be taking her here after wards anyway." He said sighing. He sat up though no longer hiding his face in his hands. (Sorry if this is wrong I've never really been in a hospital before last time I was I was really young and it was just to fix my brother's knee when he well ran into a wall and injured it. I was only there for a little anyway before I think someone took me home.)

"Che damn doctors.." I said under my breath.

"I wonder if she'll be okay..." he said softly that I almost didn't hear him.

"Of course she will." I scoffed but I could feel doubt creeping towards me. I don't even know what happened to her. "What happened anyway?" I asked deciding to find out now.

"Well..." Lenalee started but then broke into tears again.

"Shhh it's okay Lenalee she'll be fine." Lavi comforted her rubbing her back yet doubt was in his eyes as well. "Kanda.. well we sort of spied on her when she was recording and well when we confronted her things got out of hand.. and next thing I knew there was a knife in her hand and then it was in her chest." He said flinching slightly. How am I supposed to react to this? She just suddenly stabs herself no there has to be more to this.

"She's been acting weird lately the brat." I started.

"She hasn't really been eating." Lavi continued.

"She keeps trying to distance herself from us!" Lenalee burst out.

"She's always mumbling to herself." Lavi said more to himself then us as he held Lenalee as she continued to cry.

"Why didn't she tell us though if something was wrong!" Lenalee demanded but none of us had answers for her.

"That stupid idiot thinks she can just waltz into our life and then not be a part of it." She really doesn't trust us. I guess I know why not me but why not Lavi or Lenalee. Someone at least!

"She's changed..." I heard Lavi whisper.

"What was that?" I asked.

"I used to know her a long time ago when me and Bookman were in England. She was a clown along with her adopted father. After I left I didn't think I'd see her again till I met her here." Lavi explained seeming a little empty.

"What was she like?" Lenalee asked softly her voice still full of emotion and her eyes puffy and red as she wiped away tears.

"She had reddish brown hair back then. She always had the scar and she used to smile more."

"The brat smiles a lot now." I said a bit confused.

"It's a lie all of it really." Lavi said biting his lip before continuing. "She's always smiling a fake smile now but she didn't used to. She used to smile all the time like every day was her birthday or something." he chuckled bitterly before hanging his head low again.

"Ellen..." Lenalee said sadly.

"Che all we can do is wait then." I said curtly. I leaned on the wall and waited, and waited, and waited.

* * *

**Lavi's POV 1 Hour Later**

We were still waiting. Lenalee had dozed off already against my shoulder while Kanda was still leaning against the wall across from us staring angrily at the floor I couldn't tell what he was feeling though. Maybe Mana's death affected her more then I originally thought? No that can't be when we talked a bout him a little a week ago sure she was sad but the sadness in her eyes was softer then it was the first time. It seems she did move on a little more.

Maybe... was she being bullied? No one of us was always with her and we've never seen anyone bother her other then curious girls ask her about well oddly they were asking her about how she keeps so pale.. you'd think it'd be the hair or scar but it actually wasn't.

I felt footsteps and looked up. A doctor approached us.

"What is it is she okay is she awake can we go see her?" I blurted out.

"Well she's stable now and will be moved to the room soon. She's lost a lot of blood but has has a transfusion and should be okay now with lot's of rest. She's still unconscious but as soon as we get her accommodated into the room you can enter." The doctor calmly said.

"Will there be any permanent injury?" Kanda asked tensely.

"She will heal perfectly fine. There will be a scar though as the knife was actually quite large in size. We removed it entirely though." The doctor said pacifying the dark aura emitting from Kanda.

"Che." Was all Kanda said but I saw the relief in his eyes before he swiftly turned his head blocking my view.

The doctor left and we just waited in silence for a while. Kanda still facing away from me and Lenalee sleeping. Since Ellen's not awake either there's no need to wake Lenalee up she must be tired from all the crying. I've known Lenalee for a while now and she always gets like this whenever a friend is in danger. When she found out people were picking on Miranda one of her favorite teachers she just flipped out. But I guess that's one of the reasons she's such a good friend that she cares so much about all of us. Soon they were wheeling a bed down the hall towards us. Kanda turned around and glared but that was before the person in the bed came into view.

It was Ellen silver hair sprayed against the pillow. She was covered in a white blanket and she looked as if she was sleeping if not for the frown she was wearing. Maybe she was having a bad dream but didn't they give her morphine or put her to sleep? They rolled her in after the other nurse opened the door. We waited patiently outside till the doctor from before came out.

"You can go in now but she's still asleep." He told us. At this point I decided just to wake up Lenalee.

"Lenalee wake up." I said gently shaking her awake. Her eyelids fluttered before she jerked up. "We can go see Ellen now." I told her. She straightened and sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck.

"Sorry Lavi..." She said offering me a weak smile.

"It's alright now let's go see Ellen. Coming Kanda?" I asked.

"Che." Was all he said but I took it for a yes. I opened the door and motioned for Lenalee to go in first before entering myself. I know Kanda entered as well because next thing I knew he was right by the bed staring down into it. I walked over till I was next to Lenalee. I looked down at Ellen and this time carefully examined her.

Dark shadows lined her eyes and her face was pale and thin. Not too thin you could see bone but still more so then before. Her eyes opened with a flash. She stared unblinking at the ceiling.

"E-Ellen?" Lenalee called.

She didn't seem to hear her as she weakly tried to sit up managing with the pillow by leaning on one arm as she did.

"That's not right.." She murmured her voice weak and low she sounded disappointed. She looked to her right and gasped. "Neah?" She called out sounding shocked and a little scared.

"Ellen are you feeling alright?" I tried not sure if she'd take notice of me. She didn't seem to notice any of us solely focused on whatever she was looking at though it seemed she was simply looking into air her eyes were focused.

"Is this really Hell? Was I right then?" She asked tilting her head and frowning. "Of course I followed instructions you should know you were there." She argued back to whatever she was talking with and she bit her lip. "No... I did. Is this my personal Hell then?" She asked looking around her eyes focusing on us. Her vision simply glazed over us but at least she seemed to see us.

"Ellen can you hear me?" Lenalee asked but was given no response.

"Ellen are you okay?" I repeated again. She was alive she seemed okay but there's something wrong with this. A ominous feeling in the air. Suddenly the door opened from behind.

"Ellen?" A voice I didn't recognize called out. Ellen's head snapped towards the voice and her eyes widened tears starting to spill down her cheeks. I turned around to see-

* * *

**Bad cliff hanger for the win! Sorry I didn't update for a while believe or not I was working on this but I was having some issues on how I wanted this chapter to turn out so that's why it took so long! Sorry! Who do you think it is? I'm curious about your theories. I'm actually thinking of doing more third person bits because if it's just one Kanda's or Lavi's POV they won't take much notice of each other so there's a lack of the other in their parts. I think that's actually more sticking to the story because Lavi was worried and confused and Kanda was angry and distraught so I don't think they'd pay too much attention to the other. Maybe Lavi to Lenalee because she's crying and you know the most emotional (on the outside) so that's why I put more Lenalee into Lavi's part and also Kanda doesn't seem like the consoling type or the type to really show what he's feeling or say much really so that's why he seemed so passive. I'm curious what you guys think of that. Like usual please review and tell me what you think!**


	10. Back Then

**Wow I just updated a chapter two days ago and again I'm posting again D I love this story and I'm trying my best to keep updates frequent I guess. I don't work well with schedules so I hope you'll forgive that. Anyway on to chapter 10!**

* * *

**Kanda's POV**

We all turned to see at the door a spiky blue haired short girl in a weird striped shirt with a vest over it and a ruffled pink skirt.

"Road." Ellen said. She opened her arms wide and the girl ran into them jumping at her. They hugged tightly and that's when I noticed all the other people in the doorway. Three men all wearing suits and top hats entered the room. Two seemed older while the third I guessed was around 20.

Then a blonde lady in formal business wear walked in as well. Behind her were two guys both wearing punk clothing. One had black hair the other blonde. The blonde had his mouth sown shut yet somehow still was grinning. After they entered there was one last person. A huge ripped guy walked in with a torn white shirt, a tie, and black formal pants.

"Why didn't you tell me it was coming back?" The blue haired girl demanded.

"I-I didn't want to trouble you guys.." Ellen said biting her lip. Trouble.. the Moyashi's always trouble.. not like that's a problem though.

"Come my dear do you really think it's any trouble?" The older man asked as if gently chiding a child.

"Well.." Ellen trailed off.

"Really you'd think you learned by now." The youngest one in the suit said.

"Hey it's not like you're smarter then me!" She awkwardly said back blushing furiously.

"At least I'm smart enough to not stab myself." He teasingly said before sitting on the edge of her bed. It was just a little but I noticed it, her shoulders relaxed slightly.

"Ah! My beautiful daughters look so wonderful together! To think today I could've lost one of them! No! Ellen don't ever leave Papa!" The second oldest man said throwing himself at Ellen. I was about to hit him with Mugen when the oldest one stopped him.

"Sheril, Ellen is still recovering please keep that in mind." He warned slightly threateningly.

"Oh! You're right Adam! To think I could've hurt one of my amazing daughters! I'd never forgive myself!" He proclaimed.

"Ahh Papa.. no need to be so dramatic." Ellen tried to calm him down.

"Yo yo Ellen~" The black haired one said.

"Yeah yo Ellen~" The blonde repeated after him.

"We heard you tried to kill yourself did ya?" The black one said.

"Did you actually do it did ya?" The blonde repeated again.

"Yes I did now shut the hell up I don't want to talk to you right now." Ellen said surprising us all by cursing. She stuck her tongue out at them.

"So he's come back has he?" The guy the one named Sheril called Adam asked her.

"It's fine now.." Ellen said seeming uncertain. "He's helping this time." She insisted staring determinedly at him.

"Now now Ellen we've discussed this." Adam chided.

"He's helping me become better." She insisted again.

"And what almost happened today?" The one sitting by her asked. (Tyki by the way if you didn't know)

"It was an accident." She said defensively.

"You stabbed yourself how is that an accident?" The one named Road asked her.

"It's fine I'm fine." She just repeated. The blonde woman walked around and took Ellen's left hand in hers.

"Ellen Walker, treat yourself better. If you truly want to become a better person then work on enjoying your life because that's the one thing your missing from being a good person." The blonde said as she looked into Ellen's eyes. There was a large silence in which no one said anything.

"So who are you guys?" The idiot rabbit asked.

"Oh my excuse our rudeness. You must be Ellen's friends from school." Adam said. "My name is Adam Millenium. That's Tyki Kamelot, Road Kamelot, Sheril Kamelot, Lulubell Millenium, Skinn Bolic, Jasdero Millenium, and Devit Millenium. We're Ellen's adoptive family." He explained introducing each one of them gesturing to each along with their name.

"My name's Lavi Bookman, this is Lenalee Lee, and that's Yuu Kanda but he doesn't like being called Yuu so call him Kanda please." The rabbit spoke for all three of us.

"It's nice to meet you all." Lenalee said politely.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well." Adam said just as politely.

"Ah it's good you're all here someone's voice came from the doorway. I turned around to see the doctor there.

"We've just arrived." Adam said again speaking for the whole lot.

"Well after taking a look at previous records I'm assuming what she had before is coming back." The doctor said.

"What did she have?" Lavi asked a worried frown on his face.

"Don't!" Ellen yelled looking panicked.

"Ellen are these people important to you?" The one named Road asked. She seemed so taken off guard by the question. Are we not then? Not that it bothers me if we weren't... it wouldn't be the first time.

"They are. They're really important to me." She admitted. My heart stopped, it really should be illegal to look that adorable especially now.

"Then they deserve to now." Road insisted.

"Can you... can you tell them outside then?" She asked clenching the sheets in her hands.

"I'll do it then Shoujo." The one named Tyki said before kissing her forehead and gesturing for us to step outside. I went first as I was closest to the door, then it was Lavi, Lenalee, and finally Tyki.

"What's wrong with Ellen?" Lenalee asked as soon as the door shut behind him. "Is she alright? Is she in serious danger?"

"Woah calm down. Ellen's problem isn't exactly physical. You see since about 2 years ago when she was first added to the family. Well it was a year after she was orphaned and during that year she only spent 2 months in the orphanage. The months before that well we don't know. She wouldn't tell anyone and she's always been a bit unstable I guess is the word and that was why no one wanted to adopt her until Adam decided to take her in. She was always refusing to talk to us or be near us. Whenever we'd just slightly touch her like if we tapped her on the shoulder she'd flinch and at first she even locked herself in a wardrobe and refused to come out for a while. It's gotten a lot better since then she's more comfortable around people now. She started to open up to us and talk with us. That's how we eventually found out about Neah..." He trailed off clearly looking uncomfortable with the topic.

"Who's Neah? I've heard her say a few things about him before." I asked.

"She talked with you about him?" He asked seeming surprised.

"No I over heard her say something to herself." I told him. He sighed.

"Neah.. you can call him sort of a imaginary friend but not really. Think of him as an extreme hallucination or maybe an alter ego of her's." He said seeming to be struggling to explain.

"How so?" Lavi prompted.

"He's a bad influence on her. From what she's told us he's always trying to convince her to change things about herself or do drastic things. I can bet her trying to kill herself today was his work as well. Just call it a voice inside her head persuading her of things." He finally decided on.

"How long has she known.. Neah?" Lenalee asked.

"She once told us ever since the first day in the orphanage he was always there. At first she said she ignored him but she said she started listening to him because everything he said was the truth."

"And what did she think was the truth?" I asked suspiciously. What the hell could she be convincing herself of to make her do **this**.

"She's never told us but personally I think he's just feeding her lack of self esteem. She seems to think because of her hair, her scar, and her arm she's some sort of freak. She used to call herself a monster the first few weeks we knew her but eventually we managed to get her out of it but I always suspected she still thought it at least." He said sadly staring at the ground.

"That's just horrible. Why would Ellen think of herself like that just because she looks different. She has to be the nicest girl I've ever met." Lenalee cried.

"I wish I knew.." Tyki admitted.

"Wait what's wrong with her arm?" I asked him. I always knew she was hiding something but what?

"You don't know?" He asked looking shocked.

"I do." Lavi said. "I saw it once by accident when we were kids. Her mitten got torn on a rusty nail." He explained.

"Then you know why she hides it." Tyki said more a statement then question.

"Her left arm... she was born with it deformed." Lavi said and the air grew tense. Is that why she thinks of herself as a monster then? That was the first thing that came to mind. That's stupid just because she wasn't born perfect but who really is? There's something absurdly wrong with everyone. Her's just happens to be physical. It's better then being one of those trend hound whores out there.

"That's still no reason she should feel like that." Lenalee choked out shaking her head.

"I know.." Lavi whispered.

"Medically there's nothing wrong with it other then the fact it causes her to have to eat abnormally large amounts of food which you probably already know she does." Tyki offered sort of a "it's not that bad" sort of thing.

"So that's why she eats and eats but never gains weight." I mused out loud. It always did confuse me that she never seemed to gain a pound actually she seemed to lose weight though she ate so much anyway.

"She still refuses to tell us what happened before she was taken to the orphanage but she has been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and depression. She doesn't have anything else wrong I guess other then Neah. The family's done some research on people hearing things in their head and apparently some even find the voices a positive influence on their lives which we think is what Ellen feels about him. I disagree though this has to be the 4th time she's tried this."

"You mean she's tried to... commit suicide before?" Lenalee asked.

"The first time was just 3 weeks after we welcomed her into the family. She slit her wrists with a sharp of broken ceramic from a vase she broke. The second was when we went on vacation and when we thought she was just going back to get the sweater she accidentally left behind she jumped off a cliff and into the ocean. Luckily Skinn is a extremely good swimmer and the impact wasn't too bad. The third time was a bit more recent she some how got the idea in her head that she was a witch and witches needed to be burned after being taught about the witch hunts. She almost set herself on fire if it were not for the lucky fact Road was looking for her because she wanted to play." Damn it. Is that really what she thinks. Did she really need to do all this.

"So why hasn't she ever been taken in?" I asked. Usually people who try to kill themselves more then once at least get a therapist.

"It's not something we believe a spook can fix and our family is very influential. We kept it under wraps. We think it's best to just let have a normal life and maybe if we can show her just how much she's worth she can leave behind Neah once and for all. Before we sent her here to meet new people Neah didn't show up for a while. We thought she was getting better so I don't understand how she regressed. Did something in particular happen?" He asked us.

"Nothing that really stands out. I think there was this one time a kid tripped her in the halls but that was an accident he was trying to trip his friend." Lenalee said frowning. I thought back to anything that could've caused her to feel like that.

Maybe the time she got a bad grade on that science quiz? No she studied hard and aced the next quiz anyway. This is ridiculous nothing's happened at all! At least from what I can tell no one's really bothered her or bullied her other then some accidents which the other apologized profusely for.

"No I can't think of anything." The rabbit said sighing.

"That's a shame..." Tyki said.

"So what's going to happen to her now?" Lenalee asked.

"Well we were going to take her home but well I'm not sure but I think Adam will move us here instead. Sides she's finally found people other then us she can relate to. I think it's a good idea for her to stay. We'll just need to be closer." He said.

"The moyashi wouldn't have gone without a fight." I scoffed.

"Kanda just be happy she's staying. For once just be glad." the idiot rabbit said trying to seem older then me.

"Che." Was all I said to him. I guess I was just a bit glad she's staying. Though she's still the most irritating of them all. Yeah.. most of them all.

* * *

**Ahh! Barely any Lavi OR Kanda OR Ellen! Mostly just Tyki spouting stuff. I hope it makes a lot more sense now but there is most and some bits of what Tyki said aren't exactly right ****he THINKS it is and now so does the trio of friends. More explanation on the way later on. I'm so glad Road's in this now too~ I love a little sisterly RoadXEllen fluff. Strictly sisterly though they're basically family in this fic. I don't dislike yuri but a love square is too much for me especially when I'm failing at the triangle entirely. So tell me what you think! Yeah Kanda's being really OOC... as much as I love him way more then Lavi he's hard to write for... ehehehe.. that's mainly why I'm conflicting between Yullen and Laven. Between ease of writing and then my own personal love. I feel like if I just go straight to Yullen it's gonna be so OOC and just stupid I'ma just rage quit and I don't wanna cause I've done so much work to abandon this now! So you're all just gonna have to deal with a love triangle until I finally decided or just put up a poll for it. Sorry! I hope you'll forgive me and please review!**


	11. And Away

**Lavi's POV**

She's staying. She's staying and that's all that matters. I'll stay with her, drive away her demons, and then she'll be fine and we can be together. Or so I want. We all entered back into the room. Her family all seemed to have broken up into their own separate groups doing various things.

The ones named Jasdero and Devit were playing with what I hoped to be fake golden guns.

Adam, and Sheril seemed to be talking about politics. Something about the prime minister or something.

Lulubell and Skinn were for some reason sitting on the floor, Lulubell resting on her legs in a prim and proper way, and Skinn sitting cross legged as they both ate some cookies coated in sugar from a plastic box that was in the middle of them.

Road and Ellen were side by side. Ellen was still in the bed and Road sat on a stool next to her. The two were talking animatedly about something. She was smiling though. A large genuine smile that seemed to glow and warm up the entire room.

Tyki stepped by me and walked to the other side of the bed so both Road and Tyki surrounded her. She greeted him and grinned. I walked closer and stood next to Road. Lenalee trailed behind me looking unsure while Kanda just stalked off to the corner wall of the room and leaned on it.

"So what did he say?" Ellen eagerly asked.

"He said I was nice but he had a girl he liked." Road responded pouting as she did.

"Too bad. If he was ruder about it we could've got Jasdevi and beat him up." Ellen said smiling playfully as she did.

"Eh Ellen's mean!" Road announced before laughing.

"Road's the mean one here." She replied before yawning.

"Okay everyone I think it's time we all left and let Ellen get some rest." Adam said.

"Aww already?" Road complained.

"Don't be like that she is injured ya know." Tyki chided.

"Ah I'll miss you my adorable daughter!" Sheril cried out. Looks like Komui's not the only one with a complex..

"Tch sweets are good." The brawny one named Skinn said before tossing Ellen what looked to be a piece of candy.

"Thank you!" She cheerily said in which he didn't reply to.

"Please rest." Lulubell commanded/asked before stepping out as well.

"If you don't get well soon!" Jasdero started.

"We'll shoot you!" Devit finished before they walked out still pointing the guns at each others' heads. The door closed behind them and it became awkward once more.

"Thanks for visiting." She said softly.

"No problem." I said and smiled at her in which she returned a small smile in return.

"Ellen never do that again." Lenalee demanded.

"I promise." She lied falsely smiling when she didn't mean it again.

"I'm serious Ellen you really scared me. I mean what would we have done if you actually... if you actually.. died." She choked out.

"I'm sorry to have troubled you all." Ellen apologized.

"That's not right either Ellen. That's not the problem, the problem is that you were hurt." I said and put a hand on hers.

"Lavi..."

"Che you did cause a lot of trouble so don't do it again." Kanda said scowling as he said so.

"Well look at that you've even got Kanda worried. Well you heard him Ellen~ don't okay?"

"Alright." She said smiling up at me. I felt my heart skip a beat. I quickly looked away though to hid the rising blush.

"Ah we should let you get some rest now." Lenalee said instantly perking up as she started fussing over her. "Is your pillow okay do you need anything are you thirsty?"

"I'm fine Lenalee." Ellen said trying to calm the girl who was at the moment making a bad attempt to fluff a pillow as she just made it flatter instead.

"Give me that." Kanda suddenly said taking the pillow from Lenalee's grasp. He fluffed it then looked at Ellen till she got the point and sat up a little. He then put the pillow behind her.

"Thanks Kanda." She said.

"Che I just did it so we can go." He said instantly trying to justify himself. He really should say the truth for once.

"Ah we really should go though. Ellen be sure to rest!" I said as I pushed the two out the room. Well not really.. if I pushed Yuu he'd probably kill me..

* * *

**Yeah sorry for this crazy short chapter! I have writer's block at the moment... and all this round tables prep. I know it's all a giant excuse but I'm trying to rework the plot a little. I'm not completely happy with the current plot the middle part anyway and yeah I guess you can say I'm having some issues with writing this at the moment but I won't abandon this story! I swear I will eventually finish it! Please review if you have any ideas or suggestions it'd be a big help if you did.**


	12. Healing Slowly But Surely

**I'm back! Okay that was the shortest hiatus I've ever taken BUT I'M BACK! And so is this story! By the way in like a week I'll be going to China for a month and won't be able to update! It's not like I'm going to the countryside but my relative's home don't have internet so yeah.. I will however in fact still be working on the chapters on my computer even without internet so I'll just post them when I get back so look forward to that! I'll try and squeeze in another chapter before I leave though. This chapter is just going to be a quick summary of the time before she's fully healed cause I have plans for when she is! Anyway on to the story!**

**2 Weeks Later~ No One's POV**

After 2 weeks Ellen was finally allowed out of the hospital. She went back to her dorm room (against Adam's wishes of course who wanted her to stay at the mansion they just bought near her school. Yes mansion.)

"Ellen just lean on me your injured." Lavi insisted as she pulled herself up the stairs with one arm with the other clutching at her stomach where the wound was.

"No I can do this myself." She protested stubbornly.

"Oh god don't be such a brat." Kanda said as he pulled her into his arms bridal style and started walking.

"Hey! Put me down! Put me down Bakanda!" She demanded kicking as he did.

"Stop resisting and just deal with it." He said gruffly. Lavi said nothing as he gaped in shock. I mean Kanda Yuu KANDA YUU was helping someone voluntarily. Of course after Kanda stopped briefly and looked at him questioningly he snapped out of it and chased after them.

"Hey wait up!"

* * *

**Later That Day  
**

"Ellen are you seriously working right now?" Lavi asked deadpanning.

"Yes. I was in the hospital and you guys refused to bring me my laptop. I have a record deal Lavi. Injured or not I signed a contract and need to get the songs ready to present so they can choose which to publish." She said as she mixed away on her laptop.

"May I remind you once again you're injured? The doctor said-"

"I know what the damn doctor said!" She snapped at him turning around with silver eyes burning. "I spent 2 weeks doing nothing at all! I have to work!" She said before abruptly turning around and starting to work again.

"What for?! It's not like you need the money or anything so why push yourself?" He demanded.

"Does it really matter? You can't change my mind on this!" She said with just a bit of spite leaking into her voice.

"It does because I care about you Ellen." The next words he said burned in his mouth but he said them anyway. "You're my best friend and I don't want to ever see you in a hospital again. Not like that..." He said. She sighed and turned around again and this time she also stood. She walked over to him and put both her hands on the sides of his face. She touched their foreheads together and stared into his eyes.

"Lavi I'm okay alright? I'm right here and I'm fine. This is just something I have to do. Sorry for snapping at you." She said a blank smile and look in her eyes. It made him uneasy but he decided to accept anyway.

"Alright." He said hesitantly. She smiled and sat back down as she started mixing again playing with the pitch of the piano in the song.

* * *

**The Next Day  
**

"Oi Ellen! I have your homework!" Kanda yelled out as he entered their apartment. The first thing he noticed was she was passed out on the couch defenseless. He walked over and signed irritably. "Stupid brat falling asleep on the couch like that." He grumbled as he dropped the stack of papers onto the table and took the blanket from her room and draped it over her.

As he did he noticed the relaxed and peaceful expression on her face. He crouched down and leaned closer entranced by it. For once no fake smile or pained expression adorned her face. It was just pure innocence and tranquility. Luckily the rabbit wasn't here to catch it but it did happen. Kanda Yuu, briefly and so small you could barely see, smiled.

Hesitantly he reached out and smoothed over a few locks of her white hair. It was soft and leaning even closer he could smell faintly of the jasmine and lavender from her conditioner. Sh shifted slightly leaving her mouth agape. Her lips with a rosy pink and full as if taunting him.

He wanted to close that small distance between his lips and hers but as soon as the thought popped into his mind he fell back and blushed madly.

What was he thinking?! Kissing the beansprout... that's just... as sick as it should make him feel it also felt right. To want to kiss her. He quickly got up and went into his room closing the door quietly behind him, not wanting to wake her up. He fell back onto his bed and sighed. Just what the heck is wrong with him?

* * *

**2 Days After That**

A knock was heard against the door and again. Ellen groggily opened her eyes and peered at the clock. It was 9:52 a Saturday. Someone knocked on the door again and she groaned. By the distance she figured it was the front door and not her bedroom one. Not that anyone would work her up like that anyway. Lavi would bounce in and start talking while Kanda would just slam the door open and demand she get up.

She sat up in her bed. Last night because she didn't go out the day before either she was in her pajamas the whole day. Short white shorts and a tight light blue shirt. She deemed it acceptable since they were both plain and it's not like the shorts were really that short... she's just skinny so she had to buy ones that were.. well they're really meant for 12 year olds that's why they're so short but at least they fit. The ones for her age were way too baggy. (I am not exaggerating. Sides 12 year olds don't have THAT small thighs. Trust me I know my cousin's 12. Well she was but she turned 13 about a month ago. Happy really late birthday Julia?)

She stood up checked her hair in the mirror. It was a bit messy but more like that charming just woke up shaggy look then just horrible bed hair so she just walked out the room and opened the door. She almost fell though when a young girl with spiky blue hair tackled her.

"Ellen!" She squealed hugging the poor white haired girl tight.

"R-road c-can't breathe!" Ellen managed out trying to gasp for air.

"Whoops~" Road said. "Sorry!" She apologized as she let go of Ellen. Ellen collapsed to the floor trying to suck in air.

"Now Road you have to learn some manners. You should never tackle injured people." Tyki chided as he stepped into the apartment as well. After having caught her breath Ellen got up and hugged Tyki.

"It's nice to see you two again." She said as she let go of him.

"Well I thought we should wait and let you relax some more but this one here insisted." Tyki said rolling his eyes.

Road wore simple white hoodie over a black shirt with the words "I Love Sweets" and candy printed all around it. She also wore black and white stripped stockings with a deep blue skirt and black mary jane shoes.

Tyki wore a classy black button up shirt with long sleeves and plain brown trousers with black dress shoes.

"Hey! I missed my big sister and you're no fun!" Road complained childishly pouting as she did.

"Just because I don't want to play tea party doesn't mean I'm not fun." Tyki retorted a bit miffed. Road however just stuck her tongue out at him.

They spent the day mostly playing mario kart and just dance 2 which Tyki was surprisingly good at compared to Ellen who shyly shuffled around blushing and Road who just blatantly ignored the directions on the screen.

"Road we have to go now. We're supposed to be back in time for dinner." Tyki reminded her.

"Awwhh I don't wanna leave though yet." Road whined as she pouted.

"Adam ordered it so. Sides Sheril is eating with us today and he won't be back until next week after today."

"Oh yeah. Ellen guess what?" Road said excitedly.

"What is it?" Ellen asked.

"Daddy's going on a trip to meet with some people from India~" She announced in a sing song voice.

"Have they finally accepted the proposal?" Ellen asked hopefully.

"They actually want to discuss it but it's pretty much a done deal by now." Said Tyki.

"That's great! Tell Papa congratulations for me!"

"Will do." Tyki said as he shoved Road through the house and to the door.

"Tyki don't be so mean!" Road complained.

"Oh hush if you had it your way we'd never leave."

"It's like not you want to either!" She retorted.

"True but we'll both be in trouble if we we're late." He pointed out.

"Road I don't want you to get into trouble for me. Sides you can visit again next time. It's not like I'm going anyway." Ellen promised.

"I guess." Road said as she pouted again.

"Bye Ellen." Tyki said as he shook his head in amazement. If anyone could persuade Road without using force it was Ellen.

"Bye!" Road yelled already back to her cheerful self.

"Goodbye~" Ellen said as she closed the door.

* * *

**5 Days After That**  


"Lets go out then!" Lavi suggested. They were all in Lenalee's dorm room which she shared with Lou Fa.

"Go out where?" Lenalee asked a bit curious about what he wanted.

"Hmm there's that new amusement park that opened up on 34th street!" Lavi exclaimed.

"That sounds fun." Lenalee murmured as she mulled it over. She then looked over to where Ellen and Kanda sat next to each other. "Would you be alright with that? Ellen? Kanda?"

"I'm not sure. I've never been to an amusement park before." Ellen said a bit confused.

"Che might as well it's not like I have anything better to do." Kanda said while refusing to make eye contact.

Lenalee wore a simple pink unbuttoned cardigan over a white shirt with in glitter printed on it "SMILE" she also had on a ruffled light blue skirt and white flats. Small red butterfly earrings dangled from her ears which were a birthday present from of course her brother.

Lavi wore a green v neck along with his signature bandanna holding back his unruly red hair. White pants and black and blue sneakers went along with that also.

Ellen of course was classy looking as always. With a black opened blazer over a button up white collared shirt and dark blue skinny jeans with ankle boots as a finish. Two golden bangles jingled on her wrist as she shifted to a more comfortable position on the floor where she was sitting.

Kanda though was arguably the one who stuck out most. With a dark blue muscle shirt, black pants, odd black and white boots, and to top it off the scarf which was white and had a odd scale pattern which was tied around his waist, with the ends dangling at his side.

So it was decided. They all left and somehow.. and when I say somehow I mean coerced Komui into driving them.

"Lenalee you're so evil using your brother like that." Lavi teased.

"It's not evil at all! I am on a holy mission to let Ellen experience her first amusement park!" Lenalee said determinedly.

"Eh..." Ellen of course had no idea how to respond and just blushed out of embarrassment.

"Che are we going or not?" Kanda said gruffly walking ahead of them towards the entrnace.

"Hey Kanda wait up!" Lavi and Lenalee complained as they chased after him.

"Don't leave me behind!" Ellen cried out trying to run after them.

As spontaneous as the idea was they did have a lot of fun. Though I wouldn't say Ellen had the best time... that haunted house man.. that haunted house.

"Uhh Lavi I don't think this is such a good idea." Ellen said edging away slowly from the large building looming over her.

"Oh come on Ellen learn to have some fun! It's all in fun and games after all." He said draping an arm over her shoulder and effectively cutting off escape.

"Stop being such a pussy brat." Kanda quipped at her.

"Kanda! Stop being so mean to Ellen!" Lenalee said smacking him on the back of his head with her hand.

"Woman that hurts!" Kanda snarled.

"Ahh..." Lavi was now the one edging both him and Ellen away. "I can feel the anger from here."

"Whatever let's just go in." Kanda said abruptly turning on his heel and getting in line. "Well are you coming?" He asked and the others after a pause walked after him. When they were finally at the front of the line Ellen was already a mess. She was latched on to Lavi's left arm and wouldn't let go.

"Ellen as much as I don't mind this I think you're cutting off blood flow." Lavi said trying to move his fingers which had gone numb.

"Sorry." She apologized sheepishly and let go.

"Ellen if you're scared you can hug me alright." Lenalee said reassuringly.

"Thank you Lenalee but I think I'll be alright it's just nerves right? Ahahaha..." Ellen tried to laugh it off but instead ended up hugging her arms instead.

"Welcome to a gore filled wonderland! We hope you enjoy your visit!" The attendant said eerily cheery as she grandly opened the days to let them in.

* * *

**I am awesome! Okay maybe not really. Anyway cheers to another chapter that isn't crazy short like the last chapter! I'm back to 2000+! I'm disappointed how easily I reverted to my noob days... how is 1000 words or less a chapter that's not a drabble series or something like that even acceptable for me to post I don't know... I do have to question my thinking at the time.. Please review and tell me what you think though! Yeah I know it got fluffy here but stuff's gonna go down later and every fic with romance needs a little fluff I think!**


	13. Amusement Park Love

**Kanda's POV**

The interior was dark and reeked. It was stuffy in here and what seems to be water dripped from the ceiling.

"L-lavi." Ellen shakily said as she inched closer to him which somehow annoyed me.

"Oh it's not that bad!" He said and starting walking forward backwards when a figure suddenly appeared in back of him.

"M-m-m-" The brat started a shaky hand pointing at the figure.

"Ellen?" The rabbit asked. I decided just to see it play out. This is my revenge on the idiot usagi for calling my first name so many times.

"Lavi there's-" Lenalee started but I shook my head at her and she shut up. Why the guy didn't just attack the rabbit yet was beyond me. Suddenly Ellen spun around and tried to run for it but instead ran into me and knocked us both to the ground. The first thing I noticed was the feeling of her soft lips against mine.

**Ellen's POV**

There's a there's a there' monster! I don't know what to do! This isn't a dream right?! I turned around and ran for it blindly. If this was real life if I opened those doors I'll be fine! But then I ran into what felt like a wall but it was warm.. suddenly we toppled over and my lips were on someone else's. His lips were slightly chapped but still soft and warm. I knew it was a he though because of the broad shoulders my hands were on. What do I do? I should just get up... but it kinda feels.. nice. Nice?! I scrambled up quickly and saw it was Kanda who I kissed.

"Oh my god Kanda I'm so sorry!" I yelled blushing heavily. I can't believe I just kissed Kanda. I also can't believe I kinda liked it...

"I-it's fine." He said blushing darkly as he scowled and looked away. He looked kinda cute.. I mean he's always looked good but right now he looks adorable. Wait.. this is Kanda I mean I know he's a good person but adorable?! Also did he just stutter?! Ahh what the heck is this?! He's blushing too! I turned away to see a pale green sickly man with bits of what looks to be brain dribbling out a hole in his head and a wide open mouth stained with blood and everything turned black...

* * *

**Lenalee's POV**

"Ellen!" I yelled and ran over. Seems like she just fainted though. The worker apologized and led us to the emergency exit.

"I'm really sorry I didn't mean to make her faint! Here have these fast pass tickets as compensation." He said giving us each a pass. He gave Ellen's to me since she was still out of it and in Lavi's arms.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Ellen eventually woke up probably from the smell of food we got while we were waiting for her. Cause she was hungry we all went to the food court and as she scarfed down hot dogs and hamburgers we all got some ice cream instead.

By the time we finished eating she was already done and sitting just waiting for us. After that we went on some more rides with Lavi always claiming the seat next to Ellen making sure to push Kanda out of the way every time.

Unfortunately for Lavi I had just about enough of him being so rude to Kanda so when he was about to get into the seat for the roller coaster I "accidentally" tripped and grabbed his arm and "accidentally" pushed Kanda in. He grumbled but wisely didn't say anything when I forced him into the seats behind them. I leaned slightly over to watch the two as the attendant helped the others in. They were sitting close together their hands side by side but not touching. They were both looking away blushing. Ahh how cute~ It's official I ship them! Yullen!

"Alright now every keep your hands and feet safely inside the car and make sure you're tightly buckled in! Please enjoy the ride!" An employee called out before the ride jerked and started moving to climb the large slope.

* * *

**Ellen's POV**

I'm so excited but so scared! From the corner of my eye I watched Kanda's reaction as the ride slowly started climbing up. He paled slightly but kept his face composed. I looked down to see our hands so close to each other and blushed again. I can't forget that kiss.. his lips were so warm and soft. We were about a quarter up now. I could feel the adrenaline rushing already even though we've barely done anything yet.

What is this feeling though? Aside from the normal adrenaline rush and excitement building up my heart keeps beating erratically especially when I look at him.

We were half way up the hill now. I looked back down to our hands and then up at him. He was turned away but I could see the red blush creeping down his neck and the slightest reddening of his ears. Is he embarrassed? Of what then?

Now we were almost at the top. I stared forward expectantly and gripped the bar in front of me tightly. I was really scared now. Kanda didn't seem affected by the height and the blush receded a lot though there was still a little lingering. He turned to face forward and I got a good look at his eyes then but I quickly looked away so he wouldn't catch me staring. Come to think of it Lavi and Lenalee have been strangely quiet. I turned around only to see Lavi passed out and Lenalee smiling as if she was pleased with herself.

She saw me looking and smiled before motioning for me to turn back around so I did. Well that's weird did he faint or something? I was so busy worrying over Lavi I didn't realize we were already at the top so when the carts suddenly dropped down towards the ground I just grabbed the closest thing which happened to be Kanda's arm. I couldn't let go though cause I was so scared! My breath caught in my chest and my heart was hammering.

What the bloody murder just happened?! It just suddenly dropped without warning and ah the sounds of all the screams are hurting my ears. Suddenly something clamped over my ears I opened my eyes to see Kanda. He was scowling the other direction but his hands were clamped over my ears but not enough it hurt but enough so everything was muffled. Maybe he's even nicer then I thought. I leaned forward and smiled into his chest. Hmm he smells like peppermint tea and winter. I could still feel all the wind and the plunging and twisting but I couldn't really hear much and the scent as calming. I decided it was my new favorite smell.

Even better than my jasmine conditioner which I love so much.

I buried my face into his chest and slowly his arms wrapped around me. He really is nicer then I thought.

**Kanda's POV**

This brat.. she suddenly snuggled up to me. What else was I going to do? Push her away? So I just.. kinda hugged her. She's really cold I noticed when her hand brushed against my arm. Her skin is freezing so I held her hands in mine. I guess I can afford to be nice once in a while. There's no point to being mean right now. I looked forward to see we were about half way through the ride.

Up ahead though was the one upside down loop in the entire ride. I hated to admit it but even I was a little anxious at the thought of being upside down going this fast. I shifted her so she couldn't see it. Maybe if she doesn't notice she won't be scared? No that's dumb of course she'd noticed if we were upside down. For some reason the thought of her lips against mine came to mind. I blushed but luckily her eyes were still closed so she couldn't see it.

Don't think stupid things Kanda. That was just an accident and a onetime thing. Though I wish it wasn't. Her lips were soft and smooth and she tasted like apples for some reason. Dammit get your head out of the gutter! Oh shit too late… we were already at the loop and as we started climbing altitude I just held her tight.

* * *

**Ellen's POV**

"Finally it's over!" I yelled stepping out of the cart. A still blushing Kanda followed behind me. He's so cute when he's blushing. He held me for the rest of the time. Hmm not really as heartless as he wants to seem to be hm? He's a faker just like me did you hear that Neah?

_Heard it loud and clear._

You seem grumpy today what's wrong?

_Nothing just enjoy today._

Okay.

Wonder what's with Neah today? Did I do something wrong? Well he told me to enjoy the day so I might as well then. A groggy looking Lavi stepped out before Lenalee seeming very pleased with herself stepped out as well.

"Well that was fun." She said smiling as she did.

"I don't understand. One moment I was on the ride and then black." Lavi mumbled a little.

"Eh you fainted?!" I said loudly. I thought Lavi would be the type to love roller coasters. Well now I feel bad we probably shouldn't go on anymore.

"Che weak usage." Kanda scoffed and started walking ahead of us again.

"Eh?! Why so mean Yuu!" Lavi whined. Kanda suddenly turned around.

"Don't call me by my first name!" He yelled.

"But Yuu~" Lavi whined again. Just as Kanda was about to retorted Lenalee smacked them back on the back of their heads.

"You two quit fighting! We're here to have fun and show Ellen the wonders of an amusement park so shut up and start walking!" She commanded. With a bit of grumbling from Kanda and some complains from Lavi we started again deciding to ride the Ferris Wheel as our last one since it was getting kinda late.

"Oh Ellen you're just gonna love this! When we get to the very top it's just so beautiful!" Lenalee gushed.

"Sounds nice." I simply said. We got in line.

"Oh that reminds me Ellen did you do the essay for English?" Lavi asked.

"The one about feminism in the 1800s and the way it affected literature?" I asked to make sure because there was actually another essay instead about hamlet and why we thought it ended up that way.

"No the one about hamlet and why all that occurred." Lavi said.

"I finished the first 4 paragraphs but I still need to do some more research." I told him. It's fine I already finished the feminism one and that's the one that's due soon. The hamlet one I still have another week for.

"That reminds me brother said our next project in English was going to be a 3d replica of a place by description from a book." Lenalee said.

"Che that's stupid how's that gonna teach us about English." Kanda said scowling as per usual.

"It's supposed to test our creativity and ability to imagine things by description only. Wow Yuu I thought you'd at least catch it." Lavi teased.

"Why you!" Kanda started but when Lenalee glared at him he stopped which earned a giggle from Lavi. When it was our turn Lenalee pushed me and Kanda forward and closed the door before the man could object.

"Just them." She told him and the cart started swaying as it moved. I lost my balance and almost fell but before then Kanda steadied me by grabbing my arm.

"Thanks." I said and blushed a little before taking the seat opposite to him. This is a bit… awkward I guess. I looked out the window and saw Lenalee dragging a frowning Lavi into the cart behind us. This was fun though. Maybe we can do this some time again I thought as I stared into the night sky through the window. We were slowly rising up and it felt almost relaxing if not for the tinge of fear in the back of my mind. Hmm amusement parks are fun.

* * *

**Well then. Lot'sa lot's of yullen fluff cause I have decided! Yeah it'll be yullen... probably.. well most likely but Kanda's just such an ass to write for! I wanna so bad write some smut tho! Maybe if I write a one shot I can stop wanting to. Well the point is yeah I'm leaning towards yullen and I'm trying to make up for the lack of yullen in the beginning by spamming you all with fluffy yullen~ and now Lenalee's a yullen shipper XD lol poor Lavi getting cock blocked by a girl who's never gotten any either. Anyway I'm still in china but after days of... well stuff I managed some internet! I probably won't be able to post again for a while though damn shopping and restaurants... anyway please review!**


End file.
